Prettyintelligentprincess

Today it was lovely again to take her to school myself; to see her smile and wave before disappearing inside the school gates.

Today he did not cry when I left. He parts from his mummy easier.

Today I rang my husband. Just wanted him to know I was okay. (planning a long slumber and did not want to be disturbed!)

Today mail from work...but not THAT kind of mail. A friend still hoping I am doing the Masters...will I register again?

Today I was super organised: washing; ironing; tidying; lingering; coffee drinking; lounging; garden-watching...and workmen/builders watching...mmmm.

Today I realised I was desperate for a damn good shag and even considered advertising!!!! Not really sure how...but god, a woman has needs you know!

Today I perused some mail on a particular address as I have...sorry, confession time....I have joined THAT site again...just for a month...I am a gold member apparently...wishful thinking.

Today Mansion Man phoned me...his visit to Norfolk has filled him with ideas...he seems to have property everywhere...but he is poorly...but still so positive...he is very young at heart and that makes me feel good actually. He was just leaving the doctors surgery...in his porsche.

Today I told Mansion Man that I needed to feel his warmth and sexiness flesh on flesh...phone sex was fun today though...we watched porn together too! We giggled and we have 'clicked' together well.

Today I seriously considered a 'surprise' return to work. That would get the bastard scared...again.

Today I wondered why the hell Occupational Health took so long and felt ...for the first time in a long time...empowered to go back and kick ass...I really don't think I can wait as long as January...and if things are shit..I will sign off again. Want to give that twat a piece of my mind before he retires in his state of glory.

Today, I went Christmas shopping with my daughter after I collected her from school...she bought presents for beautiful boy brother...but..I think she chose them for herself!!!

Today I enjoyed just browsing on here and writing a few things to some lovely people...and they will be here for me..and I don't need to hear a voice..I know they are here.

Last night...that happened too. He is so sweet. So sensible and he listens and he puts up with everything! He never judges me. I find that very adorable and very special. Even though he had a rather...'unusual' encounter! But his strength helps me to stand tall...and I really love him for that; very much.

Tonight...beautiful boy has already cried for me twice...have comforted him...twice...he smells divine. Little sweaty hands looking for his blanket...his warmth and skin and beauty...all mine. I adore him utterly. He has been on planet earth for only 4 years...I would die for him.

Tonight...I nestle into a bottle of red..Shiraz to be precise. I wonder and reflect on what the following week will bring...oh...just something else...G-Inc wants me..desperate...next week...but no longer fooled.

Next week I will share a bed with Mansion Man and his desires or..I will be someone else's tart.

Just spent some time looking and reading all of my posts...

It is disturbing to be able to plot the implosion; to track the betrayal; to analyse the yearnings;to pity the regrets.

It is also a joy to hear my gradual strength; to read my growing power; to anticipate my composed victory.

It is lovely to know I have friends whose words are so wonderful;whose voices I never need hear.

I was thinking today about sex...yes alright, you've raised your eyebrows with that, 'Christ, can't she think about anything else?' look - but you are dying to know what I'm going to say...aren't you? Anyway, the reason or reasons really, that I was ruminating about sex...again...is that I've actually pulled my muscles...oh this is just not going to sound good...I've definitely given my fingers on my right hand rather a 'work out' really today! And I feel I've pulled a muscle or two!!! They really have gone a bit stiff! And...as well as this...I know for a fact I've twinged another part of me..near my left hip...sort of just above the ovary region...but near my hip...girls will understand..so blokes...chill out and calm down.

Then I began to think...what would a healthy sex quota be? I mean, like alcohol, the Government issues weekly guidelines which differ for men and women. Then I wondered about different sex classifications; such as phone sex; then a sub classification such as mobile or landline...

Realising obviously I would be rather over my limit in the 'mobile phone ' category. I can imagine it now:

Doc: Was the phone on your ear the whole time?
Me: Well, yes. The second time today, yes it was. Got rather hot actually.
Doc: Hot?
Me: Yes...the phone...it got warm.
Doc: In your hand?
Me: No in my vagina! What do you think?

Therefore...the use of 'loudspeaker option' is particularly useful. Well, it was completely out of the question for Mansion Man...he was sitting in First Class off to some business lunch or something...but it was rather exciting as he continued to talk to me in such a sexy way, the whole thing double entendre...However, I could be, and indeed was, absolutely lustfully, delightfully dirty with what I demanded and expected and desired and longed for...I appreciate he would have had difficulty maintaining a particular air of business-like decorum if he had to leave the train at a certain moment...but we timed it perfectly...apart from when he went into a tunnel! (No, unfortunately not mine...the bloody train...I held on and on...my god it was worth it...)

Using toys, hands, fingers...is fun when you can share and talk and laugh and giggle a bit as well as shout when the big sexy O consumes you both....

Earlier...he had been driving to the station...and ironically he was the one on hands free...and my hands got the work out!!! But in his sporty motor he could be as dirty and sexy as he liked.

God, I'm worn out. I am so glad we have waited to meet. It is feeling better and better every day and there is no room for G inside my sexy mind...well...there is ...but my mind can shut him out with all the phone radiowaves....
There may be a moment next week...a day...a slot...a window... we anticipate and wonder and want.

His attentiveness is delightfully engaging and there will be more.

Just a thought...Sidejump pondered about her lovelife and a film to match...

This would be mine...
The leading actress would be required to portray a woman who:
Is in her late thirties.
Is married.
Is dissatisfied with having sex with her husband 3-6 times a year max.
Is leading a double life of unfaithfulness (for about two years now).
Is excited about buying lingerie.
Is disappointed with always buying her own lingerie.
Is disappointed with always buying her own perfume.
Is no longer in love with her husband.
Is still in love with someone she met on line in 2005...and only three times in the flesh!
Is seeking gratification and sex and desire and adoration...but she can be choosy!
Is still a bit embarrassed about having sex with a man she cannot remember the name of...in a bar...well after closing...not that long ago...
Is still a bit embarrassed about having sex in a churchyard with a young soldier bound for Iraq the following week...or so he said...but he WAS young...about ...a year ago...yes it was late...but the lighting is kind of good...as is the erm...local police presence!
Is a mother.
Is in a career as opposed to a 'job'.
Is having regular phone sex and fab orgasms as a result.
Is using sex toys a previous lover bought.
Is thankful she had an IUD fitted ages ago...and her husband does not know.
Is the owner of crotchless knickers...and husband does not know.
Is the owner of sexy basques and...yes...you guessed...husband does not know!
Is a fan of sex in heels and boots...and husband does not know...
Is a fan of porn...husband does know, but he does not enjoy!
Is a woman who adores the effort and feelings of masturbating EVERY DAY...husband not there.
Is a woman who men say is sexy.
Is a woman who women say oozes sexiness...yes...weird.
Is a woman who sometimes feels worthless and not sexy.

I really would not go to the cinema to see this.

I want him...he knows who he is.
I want to be held closely and feel his hands through my hair.
I want his arms around me...close.
I want to hear his voice.
I want to be able to smell his aftershave...his hair...his clothes.
I want to feel the texture of his face against mine.
I want to feel his lips and his tongue and the moistness of his kisses.
I want to melt into the firmness of his embrace.
I want to fall blind knowing he will catch me.
I want to feel his hands on my ankles, my knees, my thighs.
I want to feel the urgency of his hands.
I want to feel the coldness of cotton on my shoulders and tummy.
I want to smile as he unhooks my bra.
I want to lie back and stretch as he holds my breasts firmly and sucks hard and nibbles and sucks some more.
I want to feel his fingers slide inside me...into a hot warmth that envelops and enfolds him.
I want my knickers to be ruined! Completely!
I want to pull his shirt so hard the buttons break.
I want to feel his hardness so much against me that I behave without patience, without decorum and with utter lust.
I want him to kiss me passionately when he pushes my thighs apart and enters me and fucks me.
I want him to move with me, inside me filling me completely.
I want him to hear me call him 'My baby.'
I want him to listen to my sighs, my moans, my noise...our noise.
I want him to match my passion, to feed off it, to engage with it, to be fulfilled by it, to desire it...
I want to giggle with him when the bed squeaks!
I want to topple over in my high heels trying different positions with him.
I want to shout because of him...then be stifled by him when my orgasm is too loud.
I want him to be drenched competely when I come...
I want to feel his strength, his helplessness...
I want to hear him when he can no longer hold back...
I want his utter adoration...just for that moment...encapsulated...just for that moment...
I want to feel the pounding heartbeats as we lie there afterwards.
I want to feel his warm passionate lust slowly trickle out of me.
I want to feel the dampness inside my underwear the next day! (It's there a while guys if you shoot deep!!!).
I want to be held.
I want to be whispered to.
I want to be adored...Yeah..I think that was Stone Roses.

My mother always told me 'I want, never gets.'

Lovely dark plum lingerie, snuggled into bed and fell asleep....
stange and moving transportation -like dreams. Can't open my eyes in my dreams...can't see.

Phone tinkles and he's there...hiding amongst the drawing rooms and clutching his phone....

The thrill of someone, a voice telling you what they desire and what they want you to do and how they will hold you, caress you and spank you and gag you before they slowly move to that very taboo place and play and play and play...filling you up with a raunchy lusty dominating fuck...

My poor toys...the jewelled one is reliable every time...and lovely 'variable speed' butt plug is a true friend in need.

I shout and cry out and reach out...still yearning for another body to share that;to watch that; to be one with that which is beautifully fulfilling and then filled with calm....

Then...we whisper sweet nothings and I fall asleep ususlly! Delightfully, he wants more...

Just a word of warning. If you have children ALWAYS hide the toys, lube cream etc...You really do have to be creative!!!

Oh wonderful bliss....
home alone
alone at home
no one else
just me!!!!!

Hub at work..he's feeling okay, so that's good.
School run done...

Washing done.
Dishwasher done..
Kettle boiled, two coffees so far. The heating is on...closed the windows...
Just me, lovely and warm and safe and peaceful.

Going to go to bed in a minute...mmmmm..yes....avec mes toys etc etc... because today I am going to have fantastic loud phone sex later!!!Gosh, I'm a bit out of practise..but can't wait to hear his voice. Seems like ages! It just turns me on...as soon as I hear it...well...that's it. I can almost hear the matching underwear thinking..

'Oh God, here she goes again, brace yourselves girls...watch the elastic and don't get flooded in the gusset region...'

MMMmmm....I really do need to get back to work...however, definitely not risking that right now....just need to wait. Following lots of advice from the specialists in their own fields and right now I agree with them.
However, my positivity is significantly greater now than it was a month ago...and that is tangible.However still nervous about the power some people wield...still nervous about the phone...
Well...signing off now...until later. I may have something sexy to tell.

right...where was I...
well, I literally was caught more or less off guard...and what made it all a bit panicky was I had just been exchanging naughty texts with Mansion Man...yes that's the name for this one...still not met...but not only texts..but I had been doing some rather saucy pics for him on my Nokia N73!
So...smiling, in what I thought was a seductive wifely way, I managed to stash the phone down the settee, thank god it was on silent and await his cumbersome advances...which AGAIN were...about...oooohhh...30 seconds...but, he did try to find my clit this time. I actually laid back, slid my knickers off and masterbated infront of him...and continued as he did the old marital humping...otherwise the clit entourage would have refused to perform!
Having my eyes closed, I was still rather aroused from Mansion Man's rather rude and very sexy exciting thoughts and desires...I did not need to use my imagination!
Lasted a few minutes...and I felt glad in a way. Glad it had happened...only third time since May!!! Yes really...first time since G and I was happy that hub thought he'd performed well due to my self-induced orgasm.
I sound awful, I know...but he was happy and I could tell he felt rather pleased with himself and I did not want to take that away from him.
Then...off he went, back to bed...

We work rather well together as a team...in a non sexual way I think...especially with the children...but sexually I really struggle to be close. I am no longer attracted or aroused by him..there is no sexual chemistry.

And I am learning how to live with that now without causing too many waves in the marital ocean.

Hub has been off work for a week...very unusual. However, managed to avoid any particular physical predicament...until Saturday night.(He obviously has more energy and is less tired when not at work...) He'd gone to bed actually...and I was silently revelling in the quiet, solitude, film of my choice and Stella...wondering when/if I should have...or needed a sleeping tablet tonight. Swigging back the delicious taste without having to bother about the company of him...

Then he appeared...naked...in the front room. Fortunately, the curtains were closed. The erm 'appearance' of him suggested his desires without me even having to ask...

Well..I need to gain strength before I continue....

The other day, I told G never again would I see him. He was /is too selfish.
He sulked...by golly...even I was shocked!
But, that last time...just not the same...dead passion and going through the motions.

Today, I examined my scar. It is still there, faded...but permanent on my left wrist.

Today, phone call from work...no, I know, they can't shouldn't. But they did. More damage.

Today, more thought challenges and I challenge my thoughts to move outward, away...completely...'ooohh...don't do that. Stay. Get a good reference..blah blah.' I really do not care. I do not want to return. I love the kids...so much...but betrayal is harsh.

Today I hoped he died from a heart attack..the first day of his bastard retirement..

Yesterday...beautiful lovely boy was so wonderful with the health visitor. Passed everything with flying colours. And ..no...not naughty....very bright...needs constant stimulation, activity, busy -ness...

Last week..he kicked a different health visitor who jabbed him in the top of both thighs...he lashed out...energy and pain. She was unhelpful I steeled myself. Told her....

Yesterday...hub got signed off work!!! I know...how awful. How claustrophobic! Does not assist any shennanigans!!! But...actually have none right now!

Every day...phone sex, sexy talk, chat, fun, giggles and secrets...not met...yet...no plans...yet...

Today, I wondered about the tour bus and actually realised it was never going to be. I wanted it though. Still do. Passion from the tour operator has disappeared.His kindness and lovely words...hope they are still there...somewhere...

Today...I thought about the polish girls.Hoped he was well also. Miss his sensibilty so much.

Yesterday...hub wanted sex...oh my god...I smiled sweetly. Told him, he was not well...must rest...secretly thinking....no way...no shower..no sex...

Today...my Eygptian emerald slipped off my finger...lost too much weight.

Today...took a good look...and yes, I definitely need a wax...yes...down there! Regrowth is gentle...but I prefer smooth!

Today, I watched porn...and yesterday and the day before and before that...and probably tomorrow..

Now..I will swallow my sleeping pill...drift off, only to wake too soon...then play..again...alone under the duvet...wondering who will ever adore me...

Therapy today, second time....she even asked if it was too much at one point...the point where I was dissolving in the chair, silently thanking God I had not bothered with the mascara this morning.
Okay...pick a thought, any thought. A thought about why it will be different when I go back...many thoughts, branching off all over actually; but you need to pick the 'hot thought.' You need to find it, the most emotionally charged one, and pluck it out...isolate it. Then it's the old...find evidence for that thought. Then, find evidence against it. Finally, I...we...managed to arrive at a 'balanced thought..'

Leaving the surgery, I felt a sense of calm, but so tired. I feel absolutely drained.

My eyes feel heavy too.

I need some type of rest. Some sleep maybe...

I need to have closeness, physical and sensual closeness soon...the yearning for it keeps me going some days. But till then...some rest before I take on my next role of dutiful mother collecting them later...