The other day, I told G never again would I see him. He was /is too selfish.
He sulked...by golly...even I was shocked!
But, that last time...just not the same...dead passion and going through the motions.

Today, I examined my scar. It is still there, faded...but permanent on my left wrist.

Today, phone call from work...no, I know, they can't shouldn't. But they did. More damage.

Today, more thought challenges and I challenge my thoughts to move outward, away...completely...'ooohh...don't do that. Stay. Get a good reference..blah blah.' I really do not care. I do not want to return. I love the kids...so much...but betrayal is harsh.

Today I hoped he died from a heart attack..the first day of his bastard retirement..

Yesterday...beautiful lovely boy was so wonderful with the health visitor. Passed everything with flying colours. And ..no...not naughty....very bright...needs constant stimulation, activity, busy -ness...

Last week..he kicked a different health visitor who jabbed him in the top of both thighs...he lashed out...energy and pain. She was unhelpful I steeled myself. Told her....

Yesterday...hub got signed off work!!! I know...how awful. How claustrophobic! Does not assist any shennanigans!!! But...actually have none right now!

Every day...phone sex, sexy talk, chat, fun, giggles and secrets...not met...yet...no plans...yet...

Today, I wondered about the tour bus and actually realised it was never going to be. I wanted it though. Still do. Passion from the tour operator has disappeared.His kindness and lovely words...hope they are still there...somewhere...

Today...I thought about the polish girls.Hoped he was well also. Miss his sensibilty so much.

Yesterday...hub wanted sex...oh my god...I smiled sweetly. Told him, he was not well...must rest...secretly thinking....no way...no shower..no sex...

Today...my Eygptian emerald slipped off my finger...lost too much weight.

Today...took a good look...and yes, I definitely need a wax...yes...down there! Regrowth is gentle...but I prefer smooth!

Today, I watched porn...and yesterday and the day before and before that...and probably tomorrow..

Now..I will swallow my sleeping pill...drift off, only to wake too soon...then play..again...alone under the duvet...wondering who will ever adore me...