Prettyintelligentprincess

This has been stolen from Confuddled....and it is actually going to be harder than I originally thought...

1.What is your favourite childhood memory?
I don't know. I felt fear and was always not good enough for them. My grandmother was lovely though and she would always let me sit up late and put sugar in my tea..much to my mother's disapproval!I loved going on Scout camp..an escape from home.
2. What Was Your Favourite Childrens TV programme?
Mary Mungo and Midge...I think that was the name of it! Rentaghost was also brilliant.
3. What is the most embarassing thing that's ever happened to you?
My mother caught me masterbating...with my cuddly toys! Sorry, but you did ask!
4.What was the first record you ever bought?
'When Doves Cry' by Prince. First LP 'Complete Madness'
5. What is the most important thing you learnt as a child?
To pretend to be asleep.
6. When were you last star-struck?
Seeing Frank Carson in my Dental Practice!
7. Which celebrity have you most enjoyed meeting?
Not met one to speak to in such a manner.
8. Which website do you visit most often?
Blog.co.uk; my email account and another site which I wont own up to.Ditto!!!
9.Who is your hero or heroine?
Bill Clinton, the way in which the people were drawn to him after 9/11...I really don't care what happened under the desk at the White House! Mo Mowlem...having strength and conviction always.
10. Which talent would you most like to have?
I wish I could sing. I wish I could write storybooks and an autobiography which would be in the top ten in Waterstones for weeks!
11. What makes you happy?
Knowing I contributed to someones success. My little son telling me he loves me and holding me tightly. Marvelling at the audacity of my young daughter. Being held by a passionate lover and sharing my innermost fantasies with someone I trust.
12.What scares you?
Never feeling the intensity of my husband's love for me. Turning into my parents and losing the love respect and contact of my children.
13. What are you reading?
Just begun the latest Martina Cole , Faces and also Alastair Campbell Diaries.
14. What is your guilty pleasure?
Several Ann Summers sex toys...not all vaginal!
15. What wakes you up in the morning?
A sleepy snuggly little boy who worms his way under the duvet to be next to mummy.
16. How do you unwind? I blog which is so theraputic. I read. I enjoy Merlot and having a sexy romp with an ardent intelligent man.
17. Where do you escape to?
When I travel to meet the aforementioned ardent intelligent man. When I am with him, ensconced in his arms and the duvet. When I shout and smile and laugh during and after my orgasms with him.
18. The best holiday you ever had?
Travelling through Alberta and BC in Canada.
19 Favourite building?
The Reading Room inside The British Museum.
20. Is there an afterlife?
I really do not know. I do not feel there is.
21. What's your takeaway of choice?
Chinese or Kebab!
22. Is your glass half empty or half full?
Recently,half empty,and I never take half full for granted anymore.
23.What moment changed your life?
The first time,aged 8 when I was dragged out of bed and made to sit in the dark at the end of a long hallway by my father because I was not asleep. Then left alone in the dark.I realised I felt scared and held onto the covers tightly every night thereafter.The next time I had to wear my mothers old leather gloves in bed to stop biting my nails. I still smell the sweat now.I was a similar age.The third time,they disowned me and told me I would have diseases when I confessed to having a Muslim boyfriend...for 5 years. I was 20. Need I continue...The most recent times are documented in my blog.
24.Describe yourself in three words
Passionate, wanting, sensitive.

I like this as it was to the point and appeared to cover all the vital areas!!! Thanks to Sidejump who nicked it from someone else etc etc...

1. The word(s) I would most like to disappear from people’s vocabulary: I appreciate what you are saying, but... (It's such a load of bollocks...)
2. The interests that I would most like to learn how to do properly: Dance...all types. I would also like to learn how to fly!
3. The soap opera I would most like to have a Christmas Day 2008 show in which all the cast, the set, the scriptwriters and anyone else responsible for the programme meet a tragic and permanent show-stopping end: all reality shows apart from I'm a Celebrity...with Ant and Dec!!! They make it so funny.
4. The people (other than my children if it was a not an argumentative day!!!) that I would most like to spend 24 hours stuck in a traffic jam or airport next Christmas: Antonio Banderas and George Clooney. Martina Cole could read me her latest novel and Robbie Williams could provide the music.
5. The celebrity that I would most like to take early retirement by next Christmas: Pete Docherty..oops sorry, it did say celebrity didn't it!
6. The business I would least like to go into insolvency: Ann Summers and Marks and Sparks underwear department.
7. The country that I would most like to visit in 2008: Canada, again. Would like to live there.
8. The city break I would most like to take in 2008: Toronto or York...yes as in Yorkshire!
9. The new experience that I would most like to sample in 2008: Winning the lottery D definitely...Also
achieving orgasm with my husband! Even half way would be something. Anything else is too naughty in this post! (Ref. fantasies and the discussion of in Confuddled yesterday I think!).
10. The TV programme I would like to see more of: Cranford... a decade on!
11. The one thing that would make my life less stressful: not having to lie. Returning to work without all the aggravation and knowing I am surrounded by the thought police!
12. The person with whom I would like to spend the most time in 2008:my lovely children and Darcy.However, realistically the latter will never happen, so I would have to say the lover with whom I am having the most happiness with at the time.I also enjoy the company very much of my dear friend F who is the voice of compassionate reason.

Can I wish all of you happiness and peace and fulfillment in some way for the coming year.

Sitting here, freshly showered smelling delicious from my new moisturiser (from the children),wearing my lovely new silky pj's (from the children)and I have missed you all!!! Yes I have. So how is everyone? I have been a little bit of everything really, but only to be expected.

Annoyance: no privacy. That annoys me. The house is not my own my own space as children are not at school,hub is not at work. It is restrictive and claustrophobic, hence my lack of solitude and peace to write and release.

Happiness: that my children are with me so much. They are funny and loud and fast and eager and so bright and vivacious. Their complete belief in Father Christmas and the noises on Christmas morning when they woke rattling and rustling to see what Santa has left!Their arguments and tussles and tears and tantrums. My heart feels overwhelmed and ready to burst; they came from inside my body.

Guilt: I feel guilt that I can be annoyed with these two young beings who make me so happy. I feel guilt that I can enjoy smothered orgasms on the phone past midnight with Mansion Man. I feel guilt that I am not good enough to be a good person; a good wife; a good mother. I feel guilt when I know someone has prayed for me and I really do not deserve it as there are so many others who would be more 'good' and 'wholesome' and 'sinless.'

Hope: I am hopeful I will return to work within the next three weeks. Occupational Health report came through and it seemed so factual and calculated, as it should be, I hope to be the person I once was. I casually 'popped in' to the staff do, after the main part was over. No one there from the hierarchy...I hoped I was accepted supported...I was...by almost all...

Anger: my uncle still silent with me since I confessed all about my dark September night. Suicide attempts and catholicism don't mix well with his wife. How some people judge actions is beyond me, truly.

Sadness: the news of Benazir Bhutto's assassination saddened me, as did the wisdom of Japan and its 'whaling research.'
The huge pressure of having to buy for Christmas saddens me and the debts that mount for people who have little to start with. The feeling of my husband on top of me last week, after I said three times I did not want sex, I did not feel sexy...but I just laid there and let him as I finally relented, his very smell, breath and movements disgusting me. It was only a minute or so...but sadness that I could not be ardent and passionate as I am with a lover.

Reflective: I think of Darcy very much. I see him in my mind and I wonder if he thinks of me at all. My messages are unanswered and once again the goal posts seem to have moved.Mr Estate Agent has made gentle kind contact and that is lovely. I think of G also, but not with the yearning I always have for Darcy. I just think and smile and remember.

Sombre and tumultuous thoughts always. I know my selfishness must make you exasperated...for that I do apologise. Do take care until next time. xx

I am in so much pain. I must be so out of condition! I feel bruised all over...and keep expecting to see bruises, but there are none, thank goodness! My ribcage and tummy! From all that stretching and ...well...movement!!!

Can you imagine what I would have been like if we had also done some fucking with the same gusto? I would be struggling to walk!

We giggled about it on the the phone earlier...well I giggled amidst 'ouches' and all pain soon forgotten as I managed another 'O' as he talked me through it!!!

Afterwards, he said in a somewhat triumphant manner, 'There you go! See, everything still works!'

Readers, I enjoyed him - immensely.

But, you won't believe this...technically, we did not actually have sex!

We both only realised this, lying exhausted and sexily sweaty on a beautiful bed, in a beautiful room, several beautiful hours later...several beautiful orgasms later for me...oh my...never have I had a man who gives so much effort with such evident enjoyment...for so many hours...with everything...except 'usual fucking'!!! I could not actually work out how I was managing to orgasm so much; believe me, there's not much I don't know about about my sexy bits...however, I felt incredibly intoxicated and consumed by sensuality and kept responding to his touch. I have to say, there were things he did with his fingers and hands and mouth that were incredible...I think perhaps some parts were being reached that until now may not have been!!!! It was a delight to spend time with a man who wanted all of my naughty bits...again and again before thinking of his own climactic fulfillment.

Polite and kind and down to earth, gentle and generous and firm when the mood required it....and tall! A lovely kisser...mmmm.

My favourite perfume! My favourite wine!
A thoughtful,sexy man.
An exhausted, glowing girl.

Now this is going to be one of those posts where the following will be experienced:
1. She is writing fiction. (Well...no I am not).
2. She has lost her marbles. (Not really...not any more!
3. She's showing off. (No...I definitely am not/was not).
4. She sensationalising her life. ( Well, no actually. I try to de-sensationalise sometimes because I re-read things in draft and cringe as I am just far too honest and things spill out and I need to be more controlled...but then I would be guilty of No 1. wouldn't I?)

Feeling able to face usual expectations of doing the Christmas shopping for family and friends (Who have seriously diminished since 'the event' by the way), I managed to get up enough motivation to do some shopping.Not wishing to wander through town, I drove the several miles to a retail park with loads of parking.

Successful shopping, bags piled high in the back, the queue of traffic to leave was ridiculous. So I accepted the wait and checked my phone. No messages. I thought again about Monday, the anticipation making me smile and squirm with that delightful lurching in the very depths of my tummy...that makes me do a silent sharp intake of breath.
Thinking back to the preparations of the day before;the complete wax and beauty treatments, nails too.

Traffic at a standstill; dusk beginning to fall my mind wandered over the anticipation; the forbidden delights, the sexiness, the touching, the closeness, the noise, the textures, the movements and raunch and playing and fucking. Skirt riding above my unstockinged knee, legs warm in suede high heeled boots, seatbelt restricting; I could feel the warmth and tingling and gradual flush of excitement filtering through me and downwards, inwards...where was Mansion Man?

Quick text...a single word...'playing.' Within seconds his response, my hand now firmly between my thighs, cashmere scarf draped across my knee...I can do this I think...still be discreet...I need this...still be discreet.

He knows what's instore and calls. Lights red, then amber then green...damn...moving now and I hang up but the moisture and warmth and racing heart, pulsating clit....I am turned on and I cannot ignore it. Stationary again...complete stop. I text...he calls...pressing against my clit, my fingers leave invisible trails as I press and massage and squeeze ...he is talking and asking me what I am doing.
'How does that make you feel Passion?'he says. His voice now rich with lust and I sense a closeness to my climax as my hips suddenly push upwards...inwards...
He hears my gasp...but he knows how far I am from the noisy finish. He knows me well...that way....

Bloody traffic begins to move again and I 'AAArrGGhhh' in frustration. He laughs.
'Patience Passion, patience...' (He knows I have little)

Ten minutes later...I pull over into a lay-by. He is there again...speakerphone this time...but urges me to take care, where am I?;lock the doors;drive away if anyone approaches...then his voice is back to the business in hand! He is watching our favourite porn and I listen as he turns it up.
Almost dark.
Seatbelt still on.

I sit back and savour the moments.
The fucking sounds turn me on.
The cars racing past.
His voice.
His desire.
My sexy wetness seeping through my knickers.
Pulsating, hardness, firmness...I pull them to one side and fuck myself deeply with two of my fingers and as always, marvel at the heat created inside my body...the female body is such an amazing and beautiful creation...

He knows when. He knows exactly when.It excites me immensely and my shouts drown out the porn, his voice, the cars, the darkness. My fingers feel every moment; every warm tight spasm and are engulfed in my own wetness which is considerable. I am drenched...also in perspiration.He's still there, listening enjoying every moment...and has remarkable self control. I tell him how good I taste...I struggle to speak coherently...I can't speak to be frank!
I hear the smile in his voice...
'Take care Passion. I will see all of that on Monday!

My therapist has given me a provisional discharge date! After a big pow wow with the thought police of course and my union guy and Human Resources. Can you believe it? What a journey. Not reached the end yet..but what a journey. She was bowled over with my news and we talked about my feelings towards new management and to colleagues. What came through so loudly is that I will never ever be that hurt again.
No one will ever hurt me like that again.
I will not let them.
Ever.
My passion for my vocation spilled into the chilly room and she smiled and mused and told me how passionate I was. What an excellent ____ I am...

And again..those familiar words now beginning to embed themselves inside my psyche,

'It is not you. It never was your fault. You are not to blame. Their behavior is a reflection of themselves, not you. It never has been and never will be your fault.'

Then the 'anxiety' test. I'd forgtten about that. Back in the early days of October my score was high...well almost off the scale! Nearing 20 I think...Maybe higher.
Today...deux pointes!!!!

Oh I am eager...let the report wing its way quickly...I need closure now.
And yes...someone is now doing my job...but ..hey..he's within his rights...and things are a tumbling....my footsoldiers (Only three of them...and not even my department...)...report gently if and when.

And the anticipation...more immediate...Monday....Monday Monday Monday...it is booked! Oh Oh Oh...I'm a bit girlie nervous...sort of giggly and excited...with pleasant butterflies in my tummy.

Fulfilled some preparations for Monday...will share them with you later. Night night...body consumed in blissful sleepyfeel...

Occupational health...oh saviours inside those huge orange bricked buildings....

I had the info..
downloaded the docs..
knew what I could see/have access to...
knew what my wonderful employers should have provided...
Gathered all of the workbooks together I had been ploughing through with my therapist.

Dressed smart....boots, warm coat...bit of lippy...glossy hair...and yes, of course 'they' matched...tut tut....

File under arm, I walked in...

Spilled all, formally, firmly, frankly...

Broke down...damn...but just the once , when I told her about the overdose and the knife on my wrist in the kitchen before I passed out...

Employer...inaccurate...no...complete absence of documentation required...
He'd sent the minutes...of THAT...meeting...she was bemused and frankly, disgusted. She's a nurse for god's sake. She wants to know about my health, not minutes from a bloody meeting.
No job spec...he should have sent that you know...check out OCC Health websites if you ever need them/summoned to them...fab!

No contact?
NO
What do you mean Human Resources have not contacted you? No letter?
NO
What do you mean your colleagues have been told not to contact you?
SILENCE FROM THEM.
Why have you been absent so long? Why have they not been in touch? Why has all contact been forbidden? Why has the email been blocked from you?

No instant 4 week mandatory referral (requirement of stress and anxiety linked absence)...Mine was 8 weeks plus! Why?

You see...new management structure will have to deal with the fallout...can't affect him...oh no. my doctor TOLD me he would do this!

Yes I want to go back. Yes I do.

Yes you do... you are doing everything possible...everything. You see your doctor regularly; you have attended every therapy session...but they are still stopping you.
They have failed you.
They have not managed this properly.
You will not/cannot return until they tell you exactly that all is as it should be.

And the best part...oh I almost hugged her, her who had been so scarey and so intimidating when I anticipated all this...

You are an intelligent and articulate woman.You know exactly how you feel and why. They must have you back, they will...after a meeting. No...not with him...with the people who actually employ you....

Walking out into the coldness of the late afternoon air, I smiled and laughed and reflected as my most dear friend shouted down the phone...

'It is not you...I told you, it is not you...but you needed to hear it from someone not connected...no matter how much I tell you, it will make no difference...you will never believe. And now -- you will believe. You are not going insane. You never went insane. It is them...it has always been them...'

I almost skipped back along the main road to the station...boots and all!

Sitting here smiling. This is the first time someone has ever been 'contraversial' with my blog!!!! And why not. What I love about this writing world is the fact one can write or not; one can read or not; one can comment or not. That is the very essence of being able to have freedom of expression. So, absolutely no problem with that....however....

I am a little ...well...in awe of the concept that one must be, I quote 'mentally unstable' when masturbating herself to pleasure whilst sharing this with someone else on a telephone. As long as Mansion Man is on hands free, it's the safest sex in the whole world! It was delightful and still is and no doubt will be for quite some time to come (no pun intended)!Healthy? I felt fantastic!

For centuries intelligent women have been accused of being dirty, sluttish, loose, witches and certainly in the 19th and 20th Centuries of being mentally unstable or abnormal when expressing their own desires, wants and sexual needs other than what was brainwashed into them by MEN in positions of authority; by the MEN who ruled the church; by the MEN who wrote the bible; by the MEN who used the thousands of brothels; by the MEN who adored their 'mentally unstable' mistresses; by the MEN who expected their wife to be a good little virgin, to lie back,think of duty, god and male procreation.The sad thing is...these women who were so forthright and honest were locked away in asylums; prisons, where any passer by paid the gaoler a penny to force himself on any girl of his choosing.That was in the olden days...wasn't it...?

Sadly, it is a woman who has called me mentally unstable, so that just does nothing for womankind really...

Sorry, I am giggling at this whole mentally unstable thing...Christ...in fairness though, reading only a snippet of someone'e blog can obviously lead to particular assumptions perhaps. And...compared to that dark night weeks ago now in September I am positively NOT mentally unstable. In fact, part of my return to strength and positivity has been here and the wonderful non-judgemental attitude of strength and positivity and fun from that exudes itself from the words in these blog pages not just from me...but by all of you too. So I am not going to be petty and delete from my 'friends' list (I fear she may have done that already!)...but feel good about the fact that I never would have written this post if it had not been for such a provocative comment. So there. Now, let's move on shall we?

Yes, Occupational Health awaits...not to discuss masterbation techniques though...sorry...but to begin that journey which will be a hard and tenuous one back into my world of work..my passion. And some things will change. Things will never ever be the same again.

Well, I suspect I will be seeing you all again very soon. Take care now.

Well hello! Long time no blog. This is now a race against sleeping tabs...so let's go!
Today...Beautiful gorgeous sexiness under my duvet...took everything off...and jumped in, waiting for him and daring him to call. Knew he would...as soon as I texted, 'I want your cock.'....Bingo!!

So so sexy...why the hell I have not met, bedded, seduced, fucked, dined and moaned with this man in the flesh yet is really surreal. Because all of the above has been done...apart from the dining bit...My hand slid down to my lovely warm and wet gorgeous cunt...I love that word...and I felt, played, tweaked, inserted, nipped, rubbed, carressed as Mansion Man gave me instructions sitting at the traffic lights in the Porsche!!! On his way to business lunch with the bankers. He described the vehicles and drivers around him...and was excited that they had no idea what he was saying to me; what he was listening to....
And oh my god! Loud! I am amazed the builders outside did not hear.I did secure the windows. I left a wet patch on the bed!Then slept in lovely peaceful comfort...alone...he vibrated me awake.

The perfume, for me, has been orderd, ready to collect from a department store. My favourite scent.
And yes...at last...at long last...get ready for this..we are finally, finally...we are...erm...'meeting'....on Monday!!!!!!! Yippee!!! He's booked...lovely place..rather new and I can't wait!

Now back to the real world....mundane world:
Occupational Health interview this week...and I really really want this! Not unsettled. I will be frank yet formal as my advisor advised!
And..those of you who have followed me from the beginning...I want to go back...yes hard to believe...but can face going back now.With some adjustments of course.

Then....this morning...I find out...my job. MY FUCKING JOB has been advertised internally...and a temporary position...but fucking hell....so many manners..I am overwhelmed. However, my union guy is calm and detached and objective which is just what I need.

So...Occ health will still happen and I will get through this. The 19/20th Sept is steeped heavily still in my mind. I will go back. I will. And I will kick ass.

And I will share a bed with Mansion Man on Monday.
Till soon.

I will go now....swimmingly....swirling away insde...the chemicals take over.

Yes I am...and I don't care what you say...men especially...I am ovulating and it bloody hurts! Just a dull pain earlier...just after the children went to bed....and now...it's bloody killing. Hard pain down the left hand side this time...hurts me. Some women..well lots of women I speak to don't even know when they ovulate...lucky them!

And there's a programme on about sex on the job re teachers which is so inaccurate it's untrue!!!!

Yeah....'female teachers teaching teenage boys deliberately stand next to a sun filled window in a see through blouse....'

HELLO !!!!What television planet are they on...???

How the fuck they got away with saying that! At the end of the day...an adult in a position of trust does not abuse it. I appreciate that male teachers certainly have a more challenging resolve to maintain with teenage girls...but please...yes they will be attracted...some of them...and they confide and laugh and talk and chat within the whole teaching concept...but tonight that programme..in my opinion...glamourises child abuse. Also insults the wonderful and passionate profession it has to be in order to engage a young mind today.

Ohhhh it hurts....trying not to get the painkillers out...

I know what did it...made it so sudden...an absolutely explosive orgasm this afternoon with Mansion Man...oh God...it was the most powerful for...at least four months...

But that is why it was so explosive...The old mystic mid-cycle thingy!!!I felt like my whole body and mind was exploding into so many sensitive and powerful fragments....I was so exhausted...shockingly so...could not breathe calmly for ages...I mean...he had to hang up! I could not talk!!! He called half hour later...heart still pounding. Mother Nature- a powerful force!

Now it's times like this when I think..thank god I had my IUD fitted...because ..if I had been impulsively passionate with someone...anyone ...today...I would have conceived...no question.

Must go now...paracetamol may have to come to my rescue...(don't panic...only gonna take two!).

Well, she was right - Sidejump - again! I am sure she is some type of corporate strategist!
The wooing thing...it did begin at 3.30pm. But, you know the feeling when you have been a bit too drunk, and you wake up the next morning and think...
'O fuck, no! Did I really...?'
Well, that was how I felt this morning. My god...panic...PANIC!!! What an understatement.

1.What did I say?
2.Who did I text...(by accident!)...yeees....done that before...and it took some explaining!
3. What on earth was I arguing about anyway?
4. Just how much of a bolschy bitch was I?
5. Where the fuck is my mobile?
6. Finally...did I blog in that state...and what the fuck have I said that is going to reveal my postcode!

Oh my oh my...well...found my phone and all texts had gone to him....but some were ..well I cringed a bit! I just am a bit blunt sometimes I think...and, well, I was...blunt that is!
But then I thought...well, he knows the score so that's that!

Mmmm..and there he was...escaping from the leaving guests, the endless washing up...

And I thought...he must have some balls to text me so nonchalantly after all that...
And I smiled.
He was a bit rude then...sexy rude...and I smiled some more
I believe I may have met my match and I didn't even realise it.

Mr Estate Agent has been texting a bit lately...things are looming which do not bode well for that industry I think..but his words are kind and thoughtful...nothing ungracious.

The dream thing....the Robbie Williams dream...weird...never ever have I dreamt about a famous person...it was strange...but there was so much else there too. I always remember my dreams. In fact, I even have dreams sometimes when I have a flashback to an earlier dream or talk about another actual dream I have had, days, weeks, months, years earlier even.. within the one I am having.

Reminder: no medication!

Cranford...Oh...what a wonderful author Mrs Gaskell was...wonderful!

Oh....was just going to write something...but Cranford is just about to start!!!

And I must write this before I forget...I had the weirdest dream...this morning....I kissed Robbie Williams...in a bus stop shelter!

No..I told you...I am not on any medication! But it felt wet and very cold...a very cold kiss...

Look, I'll pop back after the robust rudeness within Ye Olde Crazy Cranford!!! Until then, farewell good sirs.

Life is...cleaning up beautiful boy's vomit! 7 30pm to be precise!
Life is...changing sheets, finding dummy, new pj's, cleaning carpet, finding motorbikes!!! to cuddle.
Life is ...cancelling taxi, babysitter and neighbours for night out!!
Life is...watching tv with hub...but enjoying, no touching; waiting for the wimpering upstairs.
Life is...texting future lover...(in theory)and him trying to be a macho bastard.
Life is...daughter at sleepover....nmmm less pressure.
Life is...recieving appointment for Occupational Health! Onto Union Monday...no worries!
Life is..not worrying about how many 'friends' one may have or not have on here!!!
Life is...buying Cherie Dior...OOOhhhhh I am in heaven..truly...but as usual bought it myself!!!! When will I ever meet a romantic man?
life is...biting my nails....yuk! Need them doing soon!
Life is....looking at my growing pubic hair...yep...she needs to do that too!
Life is...looking at my back to front black lacy knickers..but still noticing how lovely and lubricated and creamy and completely....ready and...ooohhhhh!!!!! I am!!!
Life is...still wanting that intimate and close touch I do not recoil from.
Life is...wanting and needing to be wanted.
Life is...wanting to share my lover's bed.
Life is...feeling the smoothness of my skin under the warm hard shower, beneath the soapy gel.
It's mine.
I want to share it.
Why is that so difficult?

Oh it's late.
Oh...I have had far too much Carling...and
Have had the most huge row with Mansion Man!
Why is that?

Why do men have to control me?
Why can't they just buy me my favourite perfume?
Wine me;
Dine me;
Fuck/make love/romp/enjoy/flirt/play with me....

Not even met him yet!!!

But I will not be called a 'silly girl' by anyone!
So bloody bollocks to him!
is this just me?
Am I just a bloody awkward and feisty girl.....uuurrrgggghhhh
I need a big big big shout and rant!
A bloody hard fuck would not go unappreciated actually!!! Ohh GOD...cannot believe he called me that!

Let us wait and see...as usual...family and friends and peacocks surround him in his mansion tonight. His son is confirmed tomorrow...big event...with three floors. eighteen rooms, a lake and paddock, one would expect a big 'do' I guess.
However..no wealth at all ever allows any man to call me a 'silly girl.'
MMmm he has no idea...none!
So...someone else's tart it may be!

No, this is not some exciting new idea to keep myself in an aroused state during the day...I have never felt so embarrassed and I was on my own!!! Just popping into the shower...undressed...began to slip knickers off and...saw this label peeping out AT THE FRONT...oh...how awful...I hadn't even realised!!!!
Not a G-string I hasten to add...but little shortie, lacy types...not dissimilar to Cerys Mathews' actually!!!
So..not that much difference really....(she said, just trying to gloss over it...).
Well, first time for everything!
In fact I feel rather vaginally liberated at the moment....just saw the Vagina Monologues (again) this week...not as good as last year but still a really fun and liberating experience...probably a bloody shocking experience if you are a little vaginally shy!!!!

I'd better dash...not really 'safe' to be writing a ce moment...and I am rather intrigued to see someone I was a little annoyed, shirty and blunt with is now a 'deleted user'. Wasn't just me then! God, some people ...stop stop....otherwise I will not be able to hide the fact that some people truly deserve to be looked at when one is peering down one's nose at them...
Look folks...Antonio Banderas is on the television...and really, he wins every time!!! Catch you later!