Occupational health...oh saviours inside those huge orange bricked buildings....

I had the info..
downloaded the docs..
knew what I could see/have access to...
knew what my wonderful employers should have provided...
Gathered all of the workbooks together I had been ploughing through with my therapist.

Dressed smart....boots, warm coat...bit of lippy...glossy hair...and yes, of course 'they' matched...tut tut....

File under arm, I walked in...

Spilled all, formally, firmly, frankly...

Broke down...damn...but just the once , when I told her about the overdose and the knife on my wrist in the kitchen before I passed out...

Employer...inaccurate...no...complete absence of documentation required...
He'd sent the minutes...of THAT...meeting...she was bemused and frankly, disgusted. She's a nurse for god's sake. She wants to know about my health, not minutes from a bloody meeting.
No job spec...he should have sent that you know...check out OCC Health websites if you ever need them/summoned to them...fab!

No contact?
NO
What do you mean Human Resources have not contacted you? No letter?
NO
What do you mean your colleagues have been told not to contact you?
SILENCE FROM THEM.
Why have you been absent so long? Why have they not been in touch? Why has all contact been forbidden? Why has the email been blocked from you?

No instant 4 week mandatory referral (requirement of stress and anxiety linked absence)...Mine was 8 weeks plus! Why?

You see...new management structure will have to deal with the fallout...can't affect him...oh no. my doctor TOLD me he would do this!

Yes I want to go back. Yes I do.

Yes you do... you are doing everything possible...everything. You see your doctor regularly; you have attended every therapy session...but they are still stopping you.
They have failed you.
They have not managed this properly.
You will not/cannot return until they tell you exactly that all is as it should be.

And the best part...oh I almost hugged her, her who had been so scarey and so intimidating when I anticipated all this...

You are an intelligent and articulate woman.You know exactly how you feel and why. They must have you back, they will...after a meeting. No...not with him...with the people who actually employ you....

Walking out into the coldness of the late afternoon air, I smiled and laughed and reflected as my most dear friend shouted down the phone...

'It is not you...I told you, it is not you...but you needed to hear it from someone not connected...no matter how much I tell you, it will make no difference...you will never believe. And now -- you will believe. You are not going insane. You never went insane. It is them...it has always been them...'

I almost skipped back along the main road to the station...boots and all!