Prettyintelligentprincess

I am so at a loss.
I cannot believe how shallow people are.
What is it?
What the f*ck are they so bloody f*cking scared of...

I took down, in a dignified manner...the Young One's stuff, her pictures; her work; her efforts.

She's bloody mortified.
Skitty and mute around me, so overbearing with the Others.
Well, just f*uck off darling...this is My Space...
Bitch one tottered in..'Oh she's so scared of you...she was so much in awe of you...on Friday...blah blah...'
Young One's clearly not comfortable...can't wait for Angel to be back then she'll be f*cked off for good...unless she applies for a post...if Dram succeeds in running off..then I will be her line-manager. MMmmm irony, always sweet. Yet she's so young and inexperienced, she can't see beyond the weekend.

Bitch two, still keeps a very wide berth...well, she can't help it she's so rotund now...yes yes...I know..that was not nice..
You see, you can tell I cannot be unkind and feel comfortable...

No one has hugged me...no one.No one from that top team. Those on the outside looking in have; hugged, asked, whispered, kissed, smiled,supported, consoled...be brave, be brave, be brave. We were all so tactile...all. No one has touched. No one has breathed a word. Mute and insular. Completely against their grain.

The place is a mess..it's dreadful...they are all so happy in squalor and I can't stand it. I know I am impetuous but I still feel a need for a sense of order ; a sense of cleanliness...

In jokes
In phrases
Inwards
Insular

Invisible to them...I am.

I adored my job, my passion today...the Important Plurals missed me so much...kind words on the corridor...shrieks and more...they are the reason.

Collecting Budding Vet from school tonight...I was 5 minutes late and she'd been dumped in childcare this morning beforehand..poor thing...I missed her so much and she chattered away and held my hand.

Sportacus delighted..and we arrived home in daylight! Such a change.
Tonight, worked till 11pm...I will do this and I will get through this.

Last night I went to see Sweeny Todd, starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter etc...
Just magnificent!
As soon as the opening scenes of heavy Dickensian fog and depraved London streets emerged from the gloom, I knew...just knew it was going to be beautifully Burtonesque...brilliantly Burtonesque.
The musical genre works so well...it is delightfully macabre and sweet, with sorrow and joviality all intertwined. Gothic backdrops and deliciously nostalgic settings epitomise the 'musical' stereotype with purpose. How clever to use such a form of escapism, which originally thrived as society craved to ignore and forget the horrors of a bloody World War, for the very opposite; encapsulating the most dreadful decline into demonic depths with a ferocity and a fate from which there is no escape.
And...how risky to 'film' the musical! How risky and how right!
Depp is truly a 'risky' choice for such a role...however, the first glimpse of him against the blackness of a heavy London skyline, the first words, the first notes...it completely works. For such a lean figure, he is certainly large enough for this role.
Let's not forget the leading lady...'lady', she is not. Her presence, the ghostly make up, heavily shadowed eyes yet almost 'strumpet-like' attire makes Mrs Lovett a character we smile with, we laugh with, struggle with when she, arguably, is more demonised than the Barber with her unmotherly behaviour and desire for materialistic as well emotional security...yet, we know, as a woman, she is doomed from the start.

Wonderful Sacha Cohen in his role as Alfonso...just what is needed...and he is...erm...particularly well-endowed it seems in 'that' outfit!
Cannot forget Mr Rickman...adds a 'thespian' angle ...and Mr Spall...the very essence of Dickensian surely, yet fits into this role so superbly; so slyly...a long long way away from a building site in Germany with the lads!

Oh, I could go on...and on..but I won't. It'll spoil it! I actually burnt my tongue! I only realised today...but I was so engrossed I must have drunk the latte far too quickly! And popcorn...don't bother...I've not even given a glimpse of the bloody slashing crescendos and skull crunching sound effects...pure theatre.

Hello everyone,
I feel I've been away ages!!!
Well I have I guess!

This is my third entry today and it's a catch up really without all the work stuff.

Happy because I got vouchers AND a cheque from Sir Richard! So I kind of forgive him now.

Happy because I also got a package from him this morning...my new modem! And it looks so trendy and my internet is better and I may actually be able to post a comment on Birdsong's blog! That will deserve a post of its own so watch out!

Happy because I had messages on Saturday evening...and it was not MM.

Happy because I am actually now one with internet as opposed to internetless!

Happy because I had loads of messages on here!!!! I knew you'd think I'd hit the paracetamol again!

Happy because I went to see Sweeny Todd last night...and ...oh my god...it is the most fantastic film I have seen in ages! Another post on that I feel.

Happy because I know ...(said I would not mention it but....) I have ruffled some feathers at work and I am back and they don't know where the f*ck to even look!

Happy because I survived my first 'working day' yesterday and also that I discovered Dram has applied for other jobs closer to home ...so that will help.

Happy because Angel is back soon and has been so supportive and understanding and just wonderful.

Happy because I've delightfully reacquainted myself with my favourite toys this afternoon without telephone assistance!!

Happy because I have begun to write a tale and someone wrote a little back and then I have continued with coffee and giggles...literally

There's a quote in my head from 'The Crucible' by Arthur Miller...it's the main character, John Proctor before he is sentenced to death...it's about removing him, thinking ill of him, falsely accusing him, removing him, killing him...and all this he accepts because 'You will never take away my name...' or something similar...

My room, my domain in Betrayal Building has been stripped completely of me.

'Oh we had some trouble when...'
'Oh we thought it best to put everything away...'

Tell me, is 'putting everything away' the same as removing my special letters and cards of thanks off the walls?
Taking down the photos of special times off the walls?

My identity has been erased.
It really stinks of ,'Eau de She's Never Coming Back.'

Well, the new fragrance is slowly filtering in.
My fragrance will seep through the floors,
the walls,
the books,
the furniture...

The cheap toilet water from Bitches perfume house doesn't stand a chance.
You've tried to take everything away from.

You will never ever take away my name either...

Raining hard, and icy wind.
Walking in, my legs were completely empty as was my heart...my mind full to overflowing.
Mouth dry and a strained smile to those at the front.
Ushered into the room he'd reserved for me...
The first hug happened then...from the predecessors secretary...just noticed what the first part of that word actually says...secret...I smiled but distant.
Then I waited.
And waited.
And waited.

Handover one took place. Business no chat.
Then handover two...only young and she stared.

A cheery pop in from a friend who has supported throughout, different office, different department, different team...but she asked how I was and has delivered wine and flowers...it was more wine. Kind.

The solitary walk through the building and the response of others...getting up, coming out to see me, to talk, to console, to support.

Then, the heaviness, the hard and cold and unyielding silence and indifference from the team I belong to; the team I trusted; the team I inspired. I can feel myself being crushed inside as I walk past my previous domain. They've seen me...and
...nothing.

Silently bewildered yet still calm, still dignified, still confidently masked, I slip back to the room for handover three.

Smiling and masked also I suspect, bitch enters.
Complete business and nothing else.
Then..oh pop in for lunch...

They were all there, even Dram and Suss...
Sitting down...I waited
No eyecontact even....
No smile..
No conversation...
No introductions...
Falsity, irksome, exclusive chatter.

My dignity reminds me that I have my own place to go to today. My dignity reminds me that I don't have to watch this pathetic fawning charade over some inexperienced girl who has been helping them with staffing.

'I will see you in my room for our meeting C__ when you're ready.'
She's actually doing part of my job and seems nervous and defensive.
With that I walk out, back to the room.

She arrives...the same time as one of my advisors who gives me the closest most wonderful hug...she disappears. Yes, it should be you doing this, shouldn't it? So, looks like we've got a bitch senior and bitch junior.

She comes back...the final handover...takes place...almost...I have to wait a few weeks before regaining my complete postion...
Pure business...again...
Her language and demeanour is unprofessional, and god, she's put weight on...she's constantly shuffling frumpily under my suited and booted gaze...she's constantly fidgeting with her hair, her face, under my perfectly manicured gaze.

Walking out of the building, the irony is sweet. The coldness and emptiness of the shallow ones is delicately veiled as the person at the top, the very top is kind, genuine, gentle.

As the person at the top hugs me, asks yet again if there is more 'they' can do, then staying close... carries my bag to the car.

I am trying very hard to be a good girl today. Really.I am absolutely nervous as hell about tomorrow and it will be egg shell land inc. but I am nervous. I am scared. I am strong though and she will be so much more bricking it than me.

I know we are technically only half way through the day...but I am still being good.
I have ...you won't actually believe this but it's true...ignored, yes, ignored numerous naughty messages from mm.
I have not bothered anyone at work! Their work...I mean.
I have not even looked at a single sex toy.
I have not texted ff but absolutely dying to.
I have not had to close the bedroom windows.
I have not had to change my underwear due to over exertion and self satisfying delights...but so tempted...
I have not even looked at a single snippet of naughty films for grown ups.
I have forced myself to think about tomorrow.
I have had my nails done and they are so damned lovely!
I have even had a wax...but being a good girl, I've only had a 'tidy up' wax and not a 'let's get everything off,'wax!
I've have not bought any new knickers (I've already got some actually, ready for tomorrow!)
I have not sat at the computer in the world of blog all day...
I've not been naughty.
I have been a good girl...so far...only another ten hours to go!

It was a double last night...well..before I had to make tea..in fact probably earlier than that.
A double, a multiple quivering wet, hot, seeping, convulsing hard orgasmic response.
I remember what I said..and yes it's less than a week since I said that and yes I need a fuck.
You have absolutely no idea how much I crave.
I am such a sexy girl and my eye, my urge, my craving is searching. I will need the satisfaction soon...

The feeling of warmth around me; the feeling of hardness thrusting inside me...Now that is so much more than a lonely orgasm or two.

And yes...it was the return of phone sex entrepreneur...should I say the return of l'homme de mansion...he texted...days ago and I ignored. Holding out. But the temptation too much. Too great. The noise. His voice and talk and complete understanding of my predicament...
I succombed; noisily; frantically; loudly; bloody sexily actually...he's rearranged meetings and we're not talking pennies.I had no idea...and it really does not change things as to think differently would contaminate.
I feel humbled, yet elated.
He owns and rents out ___,000 sq ft of business in a local city of his...as a little aside...I still do not know the nth degree...have asked not to...There's so much more...and his drive is admirable...he really needs not to...

And he asks...about my return.
He remembers every message every word...his memory is phenomenal...again..he felt no need to say...he never brags...he's just very very 'normal'...and his wife would be at the solicitor's now apparently if she ever suspected anything...straight away...

I find that strange too...you'd fight for someone wouldn't you...just a little bit?

He admires the appearance of confidence.
He even delayed some meeting so he could charge his phone ...so I could receive his messages.
My quips are rapid, equal, above...he loves my laugh ...he can barely contain himself when I come...
sitting in the latest sports or the E type...

But he is not the one.
But...he's not the answer.
I am not wishing to share his bed...it is another I crave ...

It's a tonic that helps.
So fucked up with the return on Friday.
So fucked up with the barbarous act on a 14 year old.
So fucked up with life being good and yet no lying beneath or on top of my husband. No feeling of union. No feeling of being owned and possessed and driven to the sexual married edge... No feeling of being freed up sexually...
So fucked up with not being fucked.

You bastard.
You piece of lowlife shit.
How could you?

She's 14...14...does that please you?
Does it please you she's young?
Does it please you she's at school...she wasn't wearing her uniform but you could see she was young.

I want to call you worse.
I want to see you.
I want to know what madness it takes, you c*nt, to do that over and over and over and over...

You have absolutely no right you bastard to do that to her..or anyone...but she just happened to step in the way..

She'd been to the shop...
Then was meeting her friends...
Late afternoon...early evening...you can't even use the old 'woman of sin' excuse. You can't use any 'woman' excuse...because she is a CHILD...something you should never be allowed to have...ever...
Her friends...do you have any friends? Do you? Do they know you for what you are. I can't/won't even call you an animal as that insults animals...

Her friends are now well and truly fucked up..not to mention her family...and her place in the classroom tomorrow...an empty chair..

And I'm telling you now...
Whoever you are...
Wherever you are...

Make the most of it.
Make the most of your pathetic and twisted freedom.

She's fighting now.
She's fighting to stay alive.
Her family sit and pray and wait...I've never been much of one who prays...

But today I have...not just for Jessica...but for you.
And, you wouldn't like to hear what I had to say.
Your ears were probably burning...not to mention what you could possibly have remaining as your soul.

Strange day.

I'm waiting.

Waiting for the falsity of friendship on Friday.

Waiting to see.

Waiting to find out.

Waiting for the phone, my phone...

Waiting for a message and wondering.

Waiting and knowing things are real but still can't hear, can't touch...not yet.

Where is he?

Just had the two pills..not had any for a few nights...and , believe me..I need them... this will be my final post before The Day of Reckoning; Judgement Day. This is it. This shall be the night before I step into that building...the building I left feeling so destroyed, abandoned, betrayed...I walked away from the people I knew as 'friends' and are no longer. I was pushed away by that meglamaniac bastard...his desire for tea at a particular palace just stepping , trodding over me.

I warned him.
I told him it would not happen...his glory was blighted...and he refused to see.

His revenge was something I could not imagine.
I could not dream of.
Something I could not bear.

I will return and that is something he never wanted.
I will succeed and that is something he never wanted.
I will be stronger than him and that is something he never wanted.

You know...years ago...we actually used to work for the same company...selling, marketing the same boxes of ____ . He was successful then...and so was I...the youngest with that title throughout the whole company....I know the places from which he has crawled out. I know the dreadful examples he set...I know his failures... he would have sacked himself by now...I am glad his name will not live on.

He will continue to bluster, regurgitate, dominate, infiltrate, strive...and continue to be deaf and blind...and so so inarticulate without his 'old boys club'...
And I?
I...will wait.
Silently.

I will be calm.
I will be professional.
I will, of course continue to be one of the most successful people there...

One day...
It will happen, when finally I can let go forever; what goes around comes around. Never used to believe that...I do now.

You are all in bed...my friends who write..or so it seems and it seems I am alone in Blogland. But that's okay.It's late and I have never managed to sleep properly for so long now unless completely drunk...which I don't like doing or one of my sleeping pills is at hand. Tonight , no sleeping tabs,had a drink but not drunk and here I am. Mind so busy and I have an URGE..mmm didn't take long did it..but I do have an urge to write...just a little.

Tonight, I read someone's comment and a lightbulb lit up in my head.

Tonight, the children asleep, dinner over,I went upstairs and I stripped off and replaced my clothes with Macy's basque...matching panties...lacy hold ups...high heels...my skin was lovely...only lipstick required.

Tonight, I giggled as I walked infront of him, letting the silky robe drop to the floor,

Tonight, I was kissed and then gently pushed away...

Tonight, he told me he was tired.

Tonight, I felt hurt but...relieved also...

Tonight, I returned to the bedroom and stripped again, looking at our King Sized bed and wondered just what was the point.

Tonight, I carefully put away that lovely lingerie until the time comes...which will be soon...but not with him.

Tonight, I sit here alone...comfy cotton pjs on...still the lipstick ... and my skin is still lovely.

My mind is still strong.
My role is still unchanged.
My desires still filling me up to the brim....

Tonight, I know another liaison, dalliance, affair...another lover is imminent...and that is the way it will be...

Feeling a little 'in between'...

My period arrived..thank god...and then went..only a day or so...but it seems to take away so much energy and urge to write.

Monday is looming...and I imagine one thing, calm and professional and positive..then the other; the complete injustice of it; the betrayal.

I am actually 'loverless' in the physical sense at least...and it feels good right now..gives me room to focus. Give it a week I'll be focussed on needing to get completely f***ed senseless...

Oh and another mouse! The cat doesn't give a toss basically! The dog did! I'm looking for holes...
It was caught, oood and aarrd over, fed and released. I fervently vacuumed..but no trace at all..nothing. No droppings, no shredding, no smell...it's weird. Is the cat bringing them in and then just losing interest...she's getting on a bit.

Played the tooth fairy also the other night...she is such a light sleeper and ..well...I crawled into her room and reversed out...still on hands and knees...and yes..I did have something on..but it felt so funny and I was dying to laugh.

Quiet night in tonight. Feeling snuffles coming on too. Going to watch some TV and keep a wary eye for small furry fast creatures!

I am posting this reply I received from blog.co.uk support team in response to my complaint last night.An impressive quick response but can anyone help with the 'screenshot' they ask for as I am not sure what to do?
Thanks for reading
Pip.

Re: [Ticket#2008011810000011] UNWANTED PORN ADS GRAPHIC
From: Blog.co.uk Support (support@blog.co.uk)
Sent:18 January 2008 13:41:52
To: prettyintelligentprincess@hotmail.co.uk

Dear prettyintelligentprincess@hotmail.co.uk, thank you for your request. We have looked very hard at this issue and we have discovered an error withinthe ad server. This error (which involved the filtering of which blogs get which ads) madethe criteria for the display of sexually themed ads too strong, which resultedin these ads being displayed on blogs with no sexual content. To be morespecific, this error resulted in text segments being searched with the resultthat words such as 'cocktail' or 'cockateel' were considered to be sexuallythemed. We apologise most sincerely for this error. We have shut down the majority ofthe sexually themed ads while we are working on this. However, once this problem is resolved, blogs with sexual content will haveads of a sexual nature. Since Google do not allow us to display their ads onthese sites, and since ads are specifically selected for display depending onthe content of the blog, there really is no alternative. However, we have NEVER deliberately displayed sexual acts or genitalia or anysort, and we have not actually seen these ads to which many of you arereferring, despite repeated attempts to locate them. We would be very gratefulif someone who can see these sexually explicit ads could mail me with ascreenshot if possible, or indeed any information about them whatsoever. Again, we can only offer our sincerest apologies for this error. We understandthat we have alienated a number of users because of it, and that is somethingthat affects us deeply. We will, of course, strive to ensure that this doesnot happen again. In the meantime, we can only request your understanding and patience as wework to get to the bottom of this and to make sure it doesn't happen again. Kind regards blog.co.uk Customer Support +++++ Useful Links +++++web: http://www.blog.co.uksupport: http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/support/ ------------------------------------------mokono GmbH, Oranienstr. 183, 10999 Berlin, GermanyTelephone +49-30-322955-0 - Telefax +49-30-322955299HRB 103446B Amtsgericht Berlin, UST-ID DE250642411CEO: V. Sommer-Nunes - F. Wilken

Blog owners
People in charge
get this sorted.

I think you should ban any ads from a co called rudedotcom.

At the end of my blog there was a photo of actual penetration anally and areal close up shot of female genitalia.
I have flagged my own blog.
Get it sorted
It's disgusting .
If I wanted to be on a sex blog site I would not be here.

It must get sorted. Who is in charge?

It's over; I finished it...almost reaching the school gates this afternoon he called. Expecting some personal touching comments and gentle concern about next week...yes...(all of you who began this journey with me back in September---a meeting at place of work next week----fucking nerve wracking...), but...

There are porn pictures on his pc! That was it. They are there from our shared perusal and phone sex and I tried to advise...but for a fleeting moment he seemed to think I had as much..oops...as little intelligence as his wife. This angered me. Do not ask if you do not wish to have some help.

No...oh I missed you.
No...oh when can we meet?

And reflecting back..not once had he commented about anything to do with my personal life or my feelings. It had always been,
'What are you wearing...'
I need compassion. I need care and I need to feel so much...so much which will be fragile but will not be smashed. I ask for the ridiculous. I ask for the unaskable!

His wife...I mean this is unreal...found everything and he said it was spam and...she believed him. (or perhaps she does not wish to know...). Even a hotmail account. She's not experienced with the pc apparently, but had a friend with her who was...imagine what she's gossiping about to her husband tonight!

And he thinks everything's hunk dory. Well...to top it off he enthused about their long weekend away (without children) to P___ tomorrow and how she was fine about everything.

I was rather dumbstruck and then incredibly pissed off! What an empty cold soul he is.

So, I texted I was not happy and that I hoped he had fun in P____. I was calling it a day. Polite text back...and there you go. Here I am.

So..in other news....
My Virgin Broadband package is imminent...so Bs I will post soon, I promise..and also Chyna and now discovery98!
There is THE OFFICIAL MEETING with employers next week and it shall be the first time I set foot in that building since the darkness of the suicide attempt.
I chatted with my therapist today on the phone and she was so so great.
Finally, fantastic timing (not planned timing at all..just fate I suppose) and very welcome...lovely lovely conversation this evening with someone who was patient as I ranted and shouted and , to be honest, I was completely irritated and disageeable. But he's been there before...nothing like THAT no...(not yet anyway!!!:p ) but he listened and we talked...and he DID ask me about Monday.

FF is back and ...oh stop it! For goodness sake you guys! Anyone would think I'm a sexy gorgeous girl with some desire for passion and some need for sexy caring attention. Goodness knows where you've got THAT idea from!

I've decided to do a Word Cloud every month which selects the most frequent vocabulary of your writing and puts frequency in accordance to size I believe. Have edited out tags and rss...and other technical jargon on the site. But it is interesting to see how the focus of one's writing may or may not change.
But....
I will let you see for yourself.

I have trawled the net today...Are you listening BS?...trawled for:

The right deal.
The best deal.
The deal in my area.
The facilities in my area.
The ratings.
The reviews.

Finally...
I have found one..high rating and in my area....Oh...Its Sir Richard!!!

Still waiting for some compensation from you! Sir Richard dear...don't panic!

So hopefully I will soon be able to BOMBARD certain people's posts!!!
I can't wait!!

It's been rather eventful.

Finally MM contacted me last night and told me there had been trouble in paradise...
and I always know
...always if there is a little hiccup, yet I try to resist acknowledging it. But...sure enough...he received a call from his wife the first night he was in C____. She had (why are men so silly), accessed the history of the pc at home.
Mmmmmm...
Doesn't one delete anything he does not want someone to see?
Well...she had adultsite pages, hotmail account pages,...and she even faxed him the printouts....oh oh oh....
No sexy pics unearthed yet of my bottom in lacy shorts! I don't think!

Well he denied it. All of it!!! (Naive or what?)

He's returned home...confronted the questions and still bloody denied it! Am I missing something here...she must know..she's not stupid..she is not...I know.

But...he's a bit of a playboy is MM...and the M..I found out tonight...does not just stand for mansion...
He is naive and I told him earlier this evening...to expose his wealth to dumb, stupid, money grabbing females trawling the net- on a certain stinking rich adultsite- literally for a huge catch is just asking for trouble.

He's deleted everything now. I had no idea of his personal wealth at all ..Until tonight. He just poured it out...wanted some advice...did not want me to vanish... I suspected he had done well for himself..he's always working and meetings and bankers and so on...he never stops...so good for him...but to lose the security of his home and family by being careless is something he needs to get a grip of.

I have also said to him so many times that I would never wish what we have to become damaging. I do not wish to know his exact address. I do not wish to know which public school his children attend. I do not wish to know which charities his wife works with/for. I really do not crave to know about the huge beautiful house...but he sent me the photos... paddock and the lake ...but he sent me the photos...the peacocks..well yes...I adore peacocks..their call is the epitomy of summer...and English long days... I do not wish for him to pay for my travel when we meet. I was offended by that.

No wonder the hotel was such a luxurious one...for an afternoon only...

He looks like the most ordinary bloke...I told him off for not even bringing his briefcase actually!!! Just down to earth and very ordinary...a bloke you would see with his pint in the local...but..the heaviness and quality of his coat and his expensive shoes did not escape me...

A gift of perfume was wonderful and I treasure that so much...(I drank the wine...but now I suspect it tasted so bloody good for a reason!!! oops).

We had some textual fun this afternoon...so he's not exactly towing the line...
I am conscious I cannot be traced back by a vengeful wife...

But..if she gave him what he wanted, what he desired, what he laughs and smiles about...would this be happening? He is a really nice guy...just normal and genuine and no showing off or airs and graces...his local accent is something we giggle about...

We talk more tomorrow...
I suspect we meet soon after...(unless she's hired a private detective...jesting jesting.)!!

He seems so vulnerable and is anxious to preserve what he has..yet very anxious to bend me over his knee and give my bottom a good spanking.

Decisions decisions....

Well, I hope BS knows what he's let himself in for! Yes I asked for my 'Migration Code' today from AOL as I am fed up of all the timeouts I keep getting...it's even telling me now that even MY blog does not exist!
I now can't post on Chyna Doll's blog now...as well as others so I am not ignoring you, honestly, I am dumping AOL for a different provider.

BS reckons the's about twelve thousand other providers....well..not quite that many dear! I think there are about 20!

So I can foresee an AOL exodus...and it's all because of him letting the cat out of the bag..or shall we say the song out of the bird! with Error 504....I so hate that number now.

Taut strings still re work. Meeting imminent. Then I will retake my place, my position.

MM back and not able to talk with him yet.

After full on flirtation and charm last week G-inc has stormed off in a sulky silence...you will be so proud of me...I managed to say no. I am so proud of myself actually! He thinks I should just appear when he snaps his fingers...

And ...I am going to find a dance class. I have no partner but I'm going anyway. My quest for that will begin this week.

My waxing lady is back this week!!! Oh thank the lord...

Have a lovely day, week....and imagine the long days of summer to help you through the dismal days.

Warning: nude but tasteful ladies.

No, I am not here...but I wanted to welcome you to my circle of friends...and apologies if you already know them! I think they all look rather lovely!

Enjoy!

Be still my beating heart! Sunday night viewing was absolutely bursting with costume, corseted passion, duals, beautiful scenary....
Fantastic filming of Sense and Sensibility...wonderful. Even though I've read it, seen it before, know what the endings will be...I was still there, on the edge of my seat. Morrisey has worked so hard on that body...I mean..he looked fantastic and the dual scene...oh strong, sexy, intense and moody!!! The shots of the sea ebbing over the pebbles and the windswept setting...reminded me of Bronte's Wuthering Heights scenary or even that of Jane Eyre...yet this exuded so much warmth and torrents of emotion...from a different age.
Well done again Mr Davies!

Of course, I had been warmed up a little by the tall and sexy Squire of Candleford preceding Sense and Sensibility. His presence oozing the elegance required for those stuck up ladies who wrinkle their noses at 'country girls.'! Delightful setting and it makes you realise that the countryside of England is indeed beautiful and green in those months of summer...when it's not raining!
Dawn French just adding a bit of texture! And how on earth did they find a corset so big!!!

I will miss Brandon in his breeches...I do believe I feel a DVD purchase coming on!

Busy day and some reading done whilst children busy in the garden....I can watch from the conservatory...

Tonight..texts from MM calmed me and, as he is with me and in touch, I know he is real...my only vice in his wicked eyes..impatience..
I am his impatient girl...an impatient passion that need to be sated.
Yet, in a subtle manner...he avoids the questions he wishes to avoid...
Like: when, when, when...
I never miss the subtle avoidance and he smiles at that..yet I feel good as I know I can walk away from this, from him...
I told him from the start that I was not looking for love, yet it happened and was sought and...invariably I received the blame. Classic example G.
Not prepared to deal with the fallout of being someones reason to want to leave their wife, to hire a helicopter to fly me out (serious offer by G), to be the sexy porn loving, sex loving wife they never had...

My husband needs me.
My children need me more.

He knows all that and ...you know what...without needing to be anything other than honest...I know...I know he's holding back and I know what he will say...eventually. Why does it happen, I know what he's thinking...'why can't my wife be like her'...I can smell it...it's so close...
Why does this always bloody happen?

Just want the fun.
The sex.
The talk.
The closeness.

If I wanted more..I would not get it ...ever!

It's a timed exercise but I don't know when the time will start or finish.

I fell for darling Darcy the beautiful man...and that taught me more than I ever need to know...no one will ever have that place, or feeling...I still yearn...after all this time.

I cannot bear not being wanted by someone... so MM's contact was appreciated and enjoyed too. (I wasn't in any queue, so don't panic!)

But it's happening again..he's seeing things in me he wants and desires and loves. That is the beginning of the end in my eyes...unless I feel so much back...and Darcy took my heart and no one yet has had the courage to reclaim it from him...in the deepest shires of_____ and presently, the expensive elegance of _____.

Late again...well, it wouldn't really be me would it...

The childminder was ill.

My sleep in silence and solitude impossible.

My son...adorable and he smells divine...

Ghosts from the past today.Will he stay?

Another ghost..but a louder one...G..oh yes I hear you mutter...he's back...obviously his latest belle was not as good or...shall we say...not as forthright in the backdoor dept...sorry but he was very satisfying and I enjoy many things...and I match his wit and he thrives on the fact I match if not more...his astuteness and intelligence...but only talk and he hopes...and between you and me...he is going to be a little disappointed...

Text from MM in C____ tonight...I may be wrong but I sense a change and I have told him so...told him I may be wrong, told him just to tell me.I cannot believe I have been without sex for so long. It really drives me mad and I need it. Yes...women need as much as men..And it's not as though I am an unsexy girl.

I would rather not take a walk in the land of G-inc as I will get hooked...I will...I cannot resist temptation and he is a 5 star fuck!!...(Oh crude and yes I am a girl...you wouldn't say that if I was a man!!!).

I hope another ghost becomes fruitful. Floyd fan has missed me. I have missed him...but it just depends on the tour bus...and roundabouts.

On other things...had such a lovely exchange today with someone who is straightforward and did not want me to waste a box of tissues! He is very candid, hardworking and I suspect a very physical as well as thoughtful soul. He puts me at ease.

And ...I have no idea at this time how I could inspire someone who is so inspirational and complete...I am left a little bewildered by BS but feel happy I have managed to do a little good somewhere somehow.

On the homefront: Sir Richard has acknowledged me....he has...

And...my boobs are so so sore...and heavy and swollen...I need my god damned period and if I had a good fuck it would help immensely. My womb needs to rock.
So...could be the turn of the Ann Summers ensemble tomorrow...go figure...as I'm not videoing it