Trying so hard to stay calm.
Positive.
Dignified.
But the sea of poison she has thrown upon everything threatens to drown me.
Sitting here stupidly letting the tears fall.
Sitting here knowing I can, I can , I can.
Just be brave and strong...remember all that positive and wonderful encouragement.
From here.
From Angel too.

Jack even said, there would be hard times ahead...it's happening now.
Hurting so much and I know it makes me stronger to embrace it, encompass it.
Just can't quite perform the Birdsong either. He's so strong and so fine and can forgive...I can't. Please believe me when I say I have tried.
My heart is just wrenching and I can barely breathe.
But I will not not not give in.
I won't.
I know that...no matter how much I have to endure...I will not give in;
capitulate into rantings.

Not sitting pretty.
My mascara runs.
Black tears...
Just another day..another day....
and Angel...she's there. She's back tomorrow....with me.