Posts archive for: June, 2008
  • Sex is Eight Days Away.

    Business prevents the audition. Quite glad really as I've not had time to get a good waxing!!
    And my nails are a little long...must get those done too!
    Actually, whilst I'm at it, I really could do with a trip to the hairdressers!
    He's off to P__ and the appointment cannot be deferred, yet the audition is. But that's okay...I'm not panicked. Another eight days is nothing compared with the sexual starvation I have endured in the past.

    I still long for the closeness of someone else and the intimacy and intelligent pleasures...and that August day draws closer.
    Always special and a moment away.

  • Filming The Audition This Tuesday.

    I need this.
    I need the contact.
    I need the sex.
    I need the filthy fantasy.

    And I will have it.
    He is insistent on his secret identity, yet, Belfast and Stratford and a beautiful hotel room called him last week.
    His company appears to be his own and his life very accomplished although he believes I am an accomplished woman and that has drawn him towards me...
    Have no doubt, I am accomplished.

    It will be me who dominates the proceedings next week. He wants it that way and it's been a while since I dominated a man!
    He's filming it...
    I need my brightest lipstick.

  • Not a Geek...Thank Goodness.

    http://www.blogthings.com/howgeekyareyouquiz/Your Geek Profile:

    Academic Geekiness: None
    Fashion Geekiness: None
    Gamer Geekiness: None
    Geekiness in Love: None
    General Geekiness: None
    Internet Geekiness: None
    Movie Geekiness: None
    Music Geekiness: None
    SciFi Geekiness: None

  • Darcy Dialogue Flashbacks

    Meandering through the aisles of Tesco this morning and I looked straight at it; it was there before I could avoid looking: Tanglefoot.
    That was the name he had.
    Glancing away quickly, my gaze fell on the suave Peroni, and my heart sank again as the words of that conversation seeped into my brain.
    'Having Peroni and pizza with the boys. Have a lovely evening babes...'
    He had just collected them that evening; one of the precious times he had with them in the rather unbalanced arrangement.
    I still miss him and I still wish I could stop.

  • Life Goes On

    And so life goes on.
    He won't talk about it.
    He says I am still to blame...bringing my stress home etc...
    I've stayed calm and all appears well with no arguing and no raised voices.
    I'm wondering if he's anxious and stressed about things and that was his way of it surfacing.
    However, I need to continue and to carry on and to continue within the moulded role I secretly break out of from time to time...but all is stored away; to be used for when I know my moment is right.
    I could forgive but I won't forget.

    This post will frustrate many of you perhaps and thank you all for your advice and thoughts, yet, my life is not so unhappy that I can't bear it; can't face it. I must look to to the goodness in it and gently bide my time.

    My time will come.
    I will know when.

  • Going Back And Sexy Ponderings

    Arriving early, popped in to see Chief.
    You know when someone knows something; supports you; finally you feel safe...it was like that. Lovely and intelligent and professional....for the first time since my disastrous exit last year...he hugged me...understanding me; understanding Bitch...understanding what must happen to make things work...
    Everyone in the team has been...erm...'nice'.
    Bitch has been quieter, more distant and less overbearing...out of my face. No email, no nothing...bliss. Dram is actually making conversation. Colt is struggling to deal with a 'non-bitchy' atmosphere but I've stamped on the distant remark since my return. I am her guide for the following two years and she will become excellent under my guidance...
    I actually feel some comfort I never felt previously and to know the support I have comes from the top...the pinnacle...and he knows...he knows the situation.
    'Please believe me....you are not to blame, I am not blaming you...'
    I suspect...do not know...but suspect...finally...someone...someone with influence has finally listened and a course of action has ensued. Angel did visit Deputychief the other day...mmmm I wonder.I love her.

    Performance review...not as good as I wanted....but good enough for now and from her too under the watchful eye of Dylandata....

    Quiet last night as I was lured into the arms of G who had travelled exactly half way to be with me...sex in a beautiful bed, dinner in a beautiful bed, the semi-final in a beautiful bed! What more could a girl want?:>

    Yet, leaving after three hours of company, I was relieved and glad to make my 45 minute journey home to my own bed, where I slept soundly thinking of another who was only 45 minutes half way close...

    G looked so tired, so old...his passion was overbearing and I struggled with the facade...yet the warmth and closeness and slow intimacy were welcome. Although I had a huge urge to go home after my first orgasm. Such a bad sign!:**:

    Still I wait for elusive ff and still I am courted by The Director's prose.
    Not tonight..thank goodness as things could not be organised so quickly....yet next week a date has been set...an audition appointment; a camera, a film shoot; a sexually bursting vigorous time which will leave my body drenched and exhausted...yet my soul craving for more.

    I make do with the touch and the moment.
    I will continue to do...

    I will continue.
    I will.

  • My Latest Word Cloud (From Snapshirts)

    SnapShirtslatest

    This is my latest word cloud. Those of you who have not done it should...it's a cool tool which assembles your vocabulary you have used on your blog or website. www.snapshirts.com.

  • Building Of Betrayal Beckons

    I'm back there tomorrow.
    It beckons in an overbearing, obscene manner...and I'm ready. Nervous, panicky but ready and she will not entrap me.

    Missing everything except her...yet still I continue and still so will she. Yet the ultimate difference, the raison d'etre if you like, is that I will never stoop to her level.
    I will smile, be graceful, be thoughtful, be alert and calm; I shall seek wisdom, prepare well and listen closely to the shimmering background mutterings,observe the dalliances and gently dip my toes in the treacherous waters.

    I will not fall in.
    I will not drown.
    I will be strong and safe.

    He's right beside me; invisibly bold.

  • Performance Review

    I'm being 'observed'/'assessed'/'reviewed' later this week. Guess who does that then? Yep...Bitch, of course. Well, I know she hates me so much, I've decided I don't want her on her own to do this job. I don't trust her or respect her.
    I've managed to get Dylandata there too...it's only half an hour, but this goes on my record and I've had top marks in the past, yet since she arrived, I've not. Had to go to the top to get this and I'm delighted with the outcome of my request.

    I'm determined to be completely fantastic.:D

  • Copied From Landers

    1. Who's the black sheep in your family?
    Me. (That was not shocking now was it!)

    2. Do you take your coffee black?
    Absolutely not.

    3. Do you own a Blackberry?
    I actually did not know what one of these was until fairly recently! Affluent, professional men who have affairs usually have them though!!

    4. Which black forest would you rather eat - cake or ham?
    The cake please. I do have a very sweet tooth!

    5. Have you ever had a black eye?
    No..not a fisticuffs one...a sweaty mascara one due to a steamy rampant sexy session...well yes! Several times!

  • Anxiety and Building Of Betrayal

    She's back up to her old tricks. I'm not even there and I know the Bitch Hatred Machine is switched on. Her unprofessionalism continues to leave me open-mouthed and at a loss for words. Feeding back conversations (telling offs), from the top to members of staff who have just joined the team. Slating me...AGAIN....ranting and declaring if I 'won't go' then she will. Well I wish she'd hurry up then; she'd be doing the place a massive favour.
    The Young One has been told by the top she has enough to take out a grievance on Bitch. But she's remaining dignified and professional and will not create a bitter feud, yet Bitch knows she's overstepped the mark. And her followers...Dram, remember her with the sectionable smile, and even Cycleman...god, I'm amazed with his behaviour, yet it suits him to support the one who is so against The Young One...as he was the one literally stalking Young One until very recently. He fell in love with her; poems, email, text crazy....he's still not 100%. How can you be, having a couple of weeks off and returning to see the person he must still love every day...you can never switch love off so quickly.
    Bitch and her blind followers connive, muttering like witches. The fallout WILL be big and I still cannot believe they can't see it. She's turned on the tears. She's lamented the unjust blame...'No, me deliberately do that...no of course not...' Her lies are putrid and rancid yet still being drunk by a few.
    I'm anxious to get back to help Colt who is completely sucked in by all of it...and Byron, he starts today. Talked to him last night. He will be fine and I suspect will remain above it all
    The Wise man will help me when I face things later this week.
    Test results tomorrow.
    Then back in the midst of poisoned air where I reach higher than ever to breathe in the scent of wisdom and placate my heart with calmness and strength and belief.

  • Why (two) ?

    Why is it I dream so vividly?
    They haunt me for days and then I remember the dream again within another.
    Why is it I yearn for touch and love so much?
    It consumes me.
    Why is it I cannot be a 'normal' person? A 'normal' wife?
    It disturbs me.
    Why is it I attract so much hatred from 'Bitch' and so much disloyalty from Dram?
    It poisons me.
    Why is it I allow this to consume me sometimes?
    It eats my soul.
    Why can I not write a masterpiece?
    It frustrates me so much.
    Why can I feel so weak and so fragile that I'm frightened I will break forever?
    It scares me and makes me feel so weak.
    Why can I not return the loyalty of a loving husband?
    It bewilders me.
    Why can I not sleep so peacefully?
    It exhausts me.
    Why are my tears falling now onto the keyboard as I write this?
    Why is this?
    Why is all of this?
    Why do I need to know all the answers anyway?
    Why do I need?
    Why do I?
    Why?

  • The Red Arrows Farce and MORE...

    I'm mad tonight! Well..I'm probably considered mad by a few people anyway..I mean ANGRY!!!!
    Did you know the Red Arrows cannot do a flypast to  assist launching the Olympics in China..because they are considered to be 'too British'..there's a petition around somewhere...you may have seen it.
    How the fuck China managed such a coup with the Olympics just makes me laugh...they still have not received justice for Tiennamon Square...and that small thing called democracy.

    Secondly...why the FUCK is that dickhead, ranting, nutcase, egocentric, Mugabe...STILL allowed to actually STARVE his people to death? (OOps , silly me, of course, there's no oil)...but his 'rival' has now withdrawn from the presidential vote off...because of a small matter of injury, torture and death... and that very intelligent South African President STILL thinks we all believe the crap that pours out of his mouth. Get your hand out of Mugabe's pocket you IDIOT and realise we..ie the western world, will fuck you right off if you don't get on the right team, very very soon.

    We stand by and watch the innocent die.
    Sleep well.

  • SCAM CAPTSCOTTDUKE WARNING.

    Do not fall for it.
    'Menhir' has also realised and written a post too 'Scam Alert!!!!'
    I often wonder how people can be so stupid to actually think they will be believed. And be using the guise of hardworking, life-risking military/army work such a disgusting tactic...

    So Capt Scott Duke...bugger off. This is far too an intelligent place for the likes of you!

  • Why? (One) And Other News.

    Why am I getting texts from Mansion Man today?
    I have been polite and texted, 'yes, I'm fine, hope you are ok too?' and he's gone straight to telling me about his exact(erect) physical condition regarding genitalia.
    You know, there's a time and a place...and I really don't want to know. So, I'm going to ignore him now.

    It's all rather distasteful.
    I wish he'd move on and forget me. I have never encouraged him...

    Other News:...well, The Director has asked for a nocturnal nookie audition next week, which surprised me as he was unable to be 'off the radar' for about a fortnight. And suddenly it's next week. I've insisted he must not feel 'under pressure' and that I will not be giving him the cold shoulder as he engages and gratifies me very much. I just think we need to be very sensible and very careful without taking unnecessary risks. Waiting for his response.

    G has booked the hotel for next week and his stereotypical Mediterranean approach to wining, dining and sexy sex is very irresistable...

    You see, this is what I mean about things happening in the wrong order, the wrong time, the wrong quantity....

    In my heart I'm not complaining!
    However, it's essential I'm in first class condition for The director as to say our time is 'vigorous' would be understating it.
    I'd best just leave it there as I think your imaginations may become 'vigorous' too!

  • My Date

    2.00pm..he was late.
    My messenger flashed his message of apology and I waited ...not fashionably.
    We smiled.
    We talked.
    We reminisced.
    We wondered and we planned...
    for next time.

    He asked me about The Director.
    I wondered about IKEA...but did not ask.
    I asked about him.
    I asked when we would next be within each other and upon white sheets...

    We smiled more.
    We planned more and it seems that we do not wish Troiseme Etage...

    We think and dream about the sunlight filtering through the trees and upon our skin; in solitude and in peace.
    We dream about the sunlight of an August day..and we imagine what will be.
    And it will.
    It will be.

  • Why Am I NOT FEATURED?

    Right.
    This is blunt and I don't care anymore.
    I write well.
    I engage.
    Why is it I am not yet a featured blog? (Please be aware I do not have an ultimate aim to be featured...I am just curious...as it seems to be random, and that's an understatement!)
    Answers welcome. Yes, even from H.Q.!
    Pip X

  • Hopscotch Pics for Kev!

    Hopscotch AngerConsequences Of Hopscotch

  • A Bit Of Crumpet!

    Don't you just love a bit of crumpet?

    I've had two gorgeously toasted ones this morning, butter melting through and...I've NOT been sick AGAIN! I'm feeling so much better and a bit more robust at last.
    That's that then, I'll have to pop to the shops and stock up as I can very easily eat crumpets for breakfast no problem.
    In fact, I could eat buttered crumpets until I probably looked like a buttered crumpet!

    Catch you later...
    Off for some more...buttered crumpet!

    And...sorry, just one more thing...isn't 'crumpet' an utterly delicious-sounding word? It makes one's mouth water as it rolls off the lips! MMMmmm...

  • No Sex Today. No Sickness.

    No sex today. Quite a relief actually. I'm aching like mad. It's like I've done a mega-workout not yesterday but the day before without doing the warm up exercises. My shoulders and my thighs...god! And my back...I feel like I've been in a wrestling contest; honestly we did not wrestle, not part of the audition.
    No sickness actually either...that is a huge fantastic relief! Bit wobbly this morning, but I feel so much better as though what it was is finally going.

    Now, moving onto my 'sample.' Well, I managed it...oh I was almost sick I tell you...but how do you poo into a test tube whilst sitting on the loo! It took a while to achieve the right 'position' I can tell you!!! And I was smiling, thinking, if The Director could see me now I don't think he'd be raving quite as much!

    Speaking of him, lovely complimentary mail again today...my 'sexuality fills the room' etc etc...and I'm the 'epitome of a sexually liberated woman.' Blimey, I'll have to burn my knickers!

    However, my sources tell me that Bitch is up to her old tricks, speaking unprofessionally about me to Cycleman and Colt. The Young One, so much more assertive and confident now, being told she has enough for a grievance against Bitch, is managing well with Angel solid and true. Bitch must really hate me. Signed off...AGAIN...and she tries to belittle and she tries to construct my failure always, yet the support I have from those with influence must make her heave...Not only that, I work damn hard. I try my hardest and I always do the best I can. Always. yet her endearing words on the text she sent, 'My thoughts are with you...'
    You really have to work at being that disturbed, don't you?
    No words this morning lamenting my absence. My words to D.Chief must have filtered through.

    But, the beautiful, spontaneous moment of my day was a brief exchange with FF. I had the wrong address and he sweetly added me, yet I was so impatient and frustrated as I could not get through to him! And when I did...I had to collect Budding Vet...and it was so so frustrating!!!

    Therefore we have a date.
    2pm tomorrow, we have 'Messenger date.'
    Fabulous. I can't wait...and not a condom in sight!! (That does not rule out orgasms though!)

  • What The Director Said And More Of Today....

    I guessed correctly and he confessed to being Jewish last night. And no...it was not the smoothness of his circumcised member! Thank you very much! I just guessed....

    He went to an all boys school...grammar, no surprise there. 'With knowledge comes responsibility.' His motto. Hence his absolute discretion.
    I believe he works incredibly hard in his profession and understands how little time I have in mine, very well...as his is always consuming him too. He wrote today, believing me to be MORE than his match...mmmm....what is it they say about flattery?

    His words: ' You are an incredibly sensual, sexual and sexy woman and are more than a match for me physically...
    I will thank you once again. You certainly know how to totally commit to something with your mind and your body and that makes being with you an incredible sexual experience.'
    Is that flatteringly fantastic or what!

    Other news: Bitch is making a total show of herself. Infront of all colleagues...(50+) she lamented the absence of one of her team 'Yet again,' and asked for assistance with this and that...blah di blah. I've made my feelings clear to D.Chief and I'm not impressed with her calculating attempt to portray me in such an unprofessional manner. How dare she. This is not the same woman she attempted to erradicate previously and I will not be a victim of her obscene lack of emotional intelligence.

    I do not feel so nauseous tonight. Hoping things settle.

    And G...like some homing device...contacted me today, of all bloody days...and I confided my concerns...and he was absolutely wonderful! However, smiling as I write this, he's asked if I would like 'dinner' next Wednesday! Ridiculous. The one I want I can't have and The Director exhausts me and WILL want me next week and I will want him; then G misses me and wants some sexy closeness and the thought of romantic, passionate love-making is rather appealing right now...AND IT NEVER HAPPENS IN THE RIGHT ORDER!!!!OR AT THE RIGHT TIME!!!!
    AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

    I'm going to bed now.
    For some ME time and rest and sleep....

    Night night x

  • The Second Audition.

    'Room 2_9 Come on up! It's open. x'
    The text faded and she walked through the doors, trouser suit, heels, bag...smiling, grinning in fact as she knew the 'scenario' was going to make her giggle.
    Giggling she managed to get up the stairs, breathing far too quickly. Found the room and as promised it was open, 'Do Not Disturb' fluttering ironically to the floor. Closing the door behind her, the bathroom immediately to her right she ignored the slightly ajar door and faced the laptop, giggling afresh at the accurate guess she'd made a day earlier as the powerpoint glided into action and the instructions faded into view gently on the screen.

    'Please make yourself comfortable...
    Please help yourself to...
    Please find a selection of...
    Please undress...
    Please place the blindfold...'

    Sitting with her back to where she knew he must be, she slowly undressed and looked at the toys he'd brought...the lube, the blindfold...
    Smiling and feeling aroused she began...blindfold on, lying back, enjoying the incredibly heightened sensation of feeling her body without sight...she forgot the room, forgot him as the intensity of her hot wetness and swollen sex completely took over.
    A flash.
    Shuttering.
    An 'Oh' escaping from her as she surged with excitement, realising the mutually agreed photographs had begun ...again.
    The Director was next to the bed, over her, alongside her, inside her and the audition had begun in style!

    Later, kissing her over and over, feeling her, touching her, possessing her, the loudness of orgasms filled the room and lingered for some time.
    In the silence, they talked and laughed and confided, comparing notes to their first audition.

    It's their sexy fun secret time.
    A separate place from home and family and work.
    A confidential place that balances what they cannot do with a husband or a wife; it balances them and maintains the even scales upon which a marriage is so gently placed.

  • Infidelity. Why Do I Do It?

    I've often thought about this. Well, sometimes I do not think about it at all...it's as though I remain in a vacuum..then, other times it consumes me. So, I've decided to list why I think I do it. Why I have this desire or craving or lust to have sex, close, intimate,beautiful, whole-hearted sex with men whom sometimes I barely know, sometimes I have spent six months getting to know, or with the men whom I call lovers as I have known them for a while and would always return to their bed if they asked me...because I feel something tangible and emotional with them; a connection....

    Furthermore, as a woman, why is it I feel or expect to be judged more than the unfaithful husband? Would an unfaithful husband sit here and contemplate like this? Would an unfaithful husband expect the barrage of disapproval I expect...in people's hearts..not just in their words?

    With a lover I enjoy kissing. It's erotic and beautiful and incredibly intimate.
    I feel admired and I feel sexy. How can I put this: it staggers me that a man finds me so sexy and so desirable and wants to kiss every part of me; wants to lick every part of me; wants to experience and look at every part of me.
    Many times I have been flattered about the 'style' 'harmony' 'intimacy' 'uninhibited' attitude I have towards sex. Please understand I am not a Karma Sutra expert!..I just enjoy the 'connection' with a 'like minded' soul... and that is so hard to find. When I find it I give my all. I actually give up my soul I think and as I grow older and wiser I am careful to avoid the leap into love that I made with Darcy. This has protected me and has helped me to keep my passion undiluted and special.
    I cannot and will not share my bed with any available man.
    Connection. There, I've said it again.
    Connection with G. He's still around and I know the comfort with him will be lovely if we ever combat the time and distance, yet I can talk to him as a friend without discomfort...even if we never share a bed again.
    Connection with FF. Too special to dissect here. Intelligent and passionate and in my heart. I am thankful for the Pennines etc creating the distance as I know that we would be short-lived otherwise! Too tempting and we'd be in trouble so soon...
    The Director: a very physical, uninhibited  yet intelligent and articulate connection with a caring nature and a frequency allowed through reasonable locality. A dark horse, I don't need to know more.
    No name.
    History slowly day by day...he has much to lose and has already been stung...big time.
    Yet I crave what we have and what we can create.
    I crave the comfort of gentle...and self-centred!!!...G.
    I yearn for the warmth and passion and intelligent conversation of FF...there is indeed a connection I never wish to risk breaking. His few words of reason that filter through restore me and guide me. Placate me. I miss him...and no one else at all...except Darcy who has sealed himself away and can never be refound.

    I find what I need.
    I take it.
    I enjoy it.
    I give it back.
    An endless game of giving and receiving.
     Kept in check.
    Kept in secret.
    My emotions are played with yet no one else's must be.

    I cannot think of anything else now...I hope someone somewhere out there understands...even just a little.

  • 18+ Rating be warned: Watching in Nineteen Hours Time...

    Gently shutting the door behind her, she walked in, heart beating, high heels tip toeing...she'd texted her arrival as arranged. it was an essential part of the script. She was now in role.
    Curtains closed, a golden hue filtering in from the sunshine outside, she knew he was there, behind her, watching her, waiting for her.
    She did not turn around.
    She resisted, but smiled slightly at her reflection in the mirror, forcing her eyes not to see him, not to notice him.
    But she wanted him.
    She wanted to feel his hands on her skin.
    She wanted to feel the moistness of his kisses.
    She craved the hardness of his cock.
    She would leave, three hours hence and she would leave satisfied, filled with him, in her head, deeply inside her most intimate places and the pressure of his hands and fingers still playing inside her cunt.
    Slowly, she dropped her skirt...zip loud in the silence of the room.
    Falling to the floor she stepped out of it, deliberately, slowly, bending over to retrieve it, high heels still on.
    He watched the delicate satin which covered her voluptuous backside and the strip of fleshy golden skin between her underwear and the lace tops of her stockings.
    White this time.
    Virginal this time.
    Showing through her blouse,the ribbon, criss-crossing along the back of the matching basque...a back he would be very familiar with, three hours hence.
    He knew now this was altogether too tempting, too ambitious, too precocious....she was too tempting and the wetness from the end of his cock was enough to show how much he would struggle with the next few minutes.
    Now standing, watching herself, she dutifully undid the buttons of her blouse, gently swaying and still watching, enjoying the view and knowing he was enjoying it also....slipping it down over her shoulders, her arms...it too fell, yet there it lay,there it would stay.

    Revealing the basque she'd rumoured about days earlier, she still continued to stand, back to him...not turning round, not playing by the rules. She wanted him to be the mirror, to get a full and clear view...bending over towards the glass, her hands slid onto the soft skin inside her thighs, moving out and over her smooth arse, fingering the lace of her panties, teasing him, not revealing anything, yet slipping her fingers inside her cunt, now hot and wet and desperate, slipping her fingers in, around and then quickly into her mouth as she watched herself suck her juices.

    Slowly, she slid her underwear down, only slightly....and her wet fingers began to slide inside her, one finger then another as she reached over and moaned, wiggling her backside provocatively as she pushed her fingers deeply inside her...growing impatient for his touch, his tongue, his skin...his voice.

    Knowing he would not be able to wait much longer, she kept her thighs closely together, controlling the building orgasm which was now stirring as her G-spot reacted to the deep probing inside the tightness of her peachy backside. Reaching over, she grabbed the gleaming vibrator which had been lying on the bed, his post London- Lunch Soho purchase, and slowly, gently, firmly, eagerly she slid it inside her, fully bending over now, wanting him to see the whole show...but wanting him touching her as she came; which she knew would be soon and hard and wet and loud.

    Warm hands on her skin, he was there and he was urgent and he was demanding...
    He was directing.

  • Words

    If you have no words you do not have me.
    My message to the director tonight.
    He wandered through Soho after his London Lunch and I felt every footstep.
    Tuesday.
    It is soon.
    His words are overflowing. His admiration is smothering.

    I miss the real.
    I miss the love.
    I miss the close and brief encounter.
    I am still his Deneuve.
    I am still his Bardot.

    Still, I miss him.
    I miss the possession of me.

  • Update: Deception and The Enemy.

    Deception personified: Bitch.
    The Enemy personified: Bitch.

    She never got the job. Fuck it.
    Well, let's face it, who the fuck would have her?

    Those of you who have read me well will know all about the deceptive paths of Bitch; her lies, her injustice, her blame culture, her manipulation, her shallowness, her complete and utter lack of emotional intelligence.

    Well, finally....and I knew one day the truth would come out, but finally, it's pouring forth like a small stream, yet the current is increasing and it is now a measurable passage of time until that stream turns into a river.
    Young One knows everything and is telling Angel everything.However, Angel, in her kind wisdom, only tells me what will actually help. She does not want me to erupt, to become ill, to wreak revenge...
    However it is EXACTLY as I imagined everthing to be and what I am discovering is helping me realise that my paranoia was actually not paranoia at all.
    If you read my very first 'Return' post, and those of the following days and even weeks, as I battled with the constructed deception, the constructed removal of my presence, the constructed web of lies which slandered and smothered, you will understand just how important the realisation and dawing of truth is to me.

    Fact: my return was to be made as 'uncomfortable' as possible. Bitch actually told the 'team'...christ, never did such an inappropriate word exist for that cauldron of snakes, that the worse they made me feel, the better it would be, as I would break and leave. Those of you who read me then will know how low I was, yet how strong I became.

    Never did they break me. Dram is still a silly simpleton with the sectionable smile, yet she condoned Bitch's behaviour towards me and still does. I waste no respect for her now. Bitch Two is now polluting other waters. Cycleman now finds himself on the other side of the water. The Skittish Colt is now under my guidance and is developing and growing with far less frolicking. Young One is loyal and vibrant and true and awaits Cycleman's return with trepidation, but she is protected, safe, supported as Angel is never far away, nor am I. Another new addition, let's call him Byron...enters the