Prettyintelligentprincess

Well, finally I told France that I did not wish to see him or have contact. He was so lovely and kind about it and said how I would 'always have something of him,'...I breathed a sigh of relief that 'something' could not be STD related! He wants to always be my friend. I've deleted him. I need more powerful passion from a man who wishes to fulfil and satisfy me.
G: finally, he resigned and his letter was utterly dreadful compared with the one I drafted for him; yet let that be the case. He relocates soon, up to Edinburgh I believe and has inferred he wants a raunchy shag for old times' sake before he departs. Well...tough. I can't really be bothered and he is selfish still; he has not apologised for saying such utterly paranoid things last week or the week before, so he can have his raunchy shag with someone else. And there will be someone else, have no doubt.
Mr Hotel has become quiet. This is always to be expected you understand; a high drop out rate is something you should expect from the very nature of this type of pursuit. I will keep his details for now, yet he is no longer luring me into his sexual web.
There are but two....a rather local chap who is a lttle too familiar and calls me 'sweetheart'.....ugh...his attitude towards the sex part is fine, but that is ironically too familiar...it has turned me off already; the other chap...well a younger man...similar profession yet this is the one who lives literally at the other end of the country or out of the country....depending on his circumstances...however, hugely desirable, fun and exciting....however, I will wait and be patient....

I have four weeks to secure the details of my next bedtime fun companion!!!
It's all in the planning.....

...I am absolutely desperate for a good, intense, passionate seeing to.

'Goodnight,' she murmured, languidly.....

Now this is where I begin to scream at her.
'Just bloody tell him and stop crying...!!!!!'

But she never listens.
And isn't she beautiful? So beautiful.

Her obsession with fate and time and anniversaries; the deepness of red that she wears and overwhelming happiness which breaks her as the divide with sadness decreases...

I sigh and accept what will be...

Yet I still secretly hope things will be different...every single time.

Still too busy at work.
It's ridiculous.
Hardly any time with the children, and I'm too stressed with them in the mornings; I need to be more careful when I react to their bickering. I shout too much.
Slept better last night and have avoided the red wine yet again tonight. My skin is already improving from the water I'm drinking during the day.
Too tired and too disinterested to even exchange sexy emails..or read them...if I have any to read. Can't be bothered accessing that email address.
Certainly cannot be bothered replying to G_inc...sent me a sexy text as if NOTHING had happened! He is so insular and blase. I'm remaining stubbornly aloof. He can rewrite his own bloody resignantion letter!

Positive things with the team at The Building...except Cycleman; he's a little gloomy and withdrawn...but Bluff is very positive indeed.
I feel it is a good place to be in at the moment and I feel secure and strong.

Off for a slightly earlier night tonight....

I've done it again.
Avoided the bedroom and it's not like I'm not tired.
I am so tired I felt light headed earlier today at one of the THREE meetings I was in...on top of my usual stuff I have to do. Last night, my little play before bed did not help one iota!
Not a jot!
I had the worst night's sleep I can remember having and I seriously wondered if my body was going into alcohol withdrawl!!
Third night tonight with zero alcohol and I'm so impressed with myself; but it just can't happen as I just can't have one glass...I have to have two or three. With the au pair coming soon, I don't want him thinking I'm a completely drunk irresponsible mother! So...there is none in the house - at all.
That's not such a bad idea really...and I know the poundage will drop rather drastically if I keep this up.
Actually, I've no time to bloody eat at The Building right now and I don't even miss the fact I've not eaten lunch as I've no time to even think about it.
Really, I must go up there now. I'm tired. I'm giving in.

Oh and one more thing. I should always stick to what I used to think about G-inc. The fact of the matter is , he is a selfish, self-centred, narrow-minded man.
I've told him where he can stick his lap-top.I never ever want anything from him...ever. I should never have agreed to his panderings in the first place.

Ohh how good does that feel.
Night night x

I've just had a fabulous orgasm...sorry..but it was and I thought I might just say!
I'm ...er...writing...to someone...just the first week of contact...but it's like The Director all over again...and I re read some very saucy mails...and away I went!

Do you ever have a little play now and again?:>

I appear to have significantly moved on since I first started writing this blog and it really seems inappropriate now for me to refer to the Building of Betrayal and The Bitch. Bitch 2 left remember and I am back and re established and The Bitch is actually doing her utmost to make things work. Frankly speaking, you could say she has no choice, but it seems inappropriate for me to call her that name now as I actually pity her and although I am much wiser, I still keep my invisible armour securely fastened and strive not to let down the influential people who supported and guided during my Return.
Therefore, the Building it now becomes and she is the Bluff. Afterall, she is still misleading and deceptive. I have taken the verb form, not the adjective form as you can see. It just sounds less harsh and less angry than 'the Bitch' and I have no anger left...
only for him...
...and one day we will collide in some shape or form.
yet he will not see the broken woman he tried to dismantle; she has vanished forever.

Well, It's rather strange.
France is quiet and I'm glad I've been quiet back. I don't want him. His needs are completely different to mine.
G is arranging for us to meet after his Florida trip and I've agreed to do the resignation letter for him (I already mentioned this). But we are good friends, sex or no sex...and I look forawrd to spending some time with him.
Mr Hotel...the name is because the photos he sent me were entitled 'Hotel'...is back from his sophisticated holiday destination and texted me tonight! Sent lovely sexy picture and words...and he is not far away down the motorway; watch this space. If his restraints and toys photos are anything to go by I know I will have a giggle.
And there is a new guy on the block. Someone writing to me in a manner I yearn for. Sexy, intelligent, open and adventurous. Only problem is, he literally lives at the opposite end of the country to me and...he works abroad and visits the UK twice a year.But...he is such on the same wavelength as The Director was....
Now that will be explosive.
All good things come to those who wait...I'm waiting....
Just fancy a little play away to keep me sane and sexy. That is all.

One has to be in a particular frame of mind to endure Thomas Hardy. Whether it be in novel or film form; the mind, your mind, needs to come up for air at the end of the segment you have just absorbed.
However, I have to say...wow! Absolutely delightfully filmed and it's about time since the Polanski version don't you think?
The setting; the dialogue, beautifully similar to the novel; the costume and the gothic grandeur of the D'uberville estate...wonderful.

The rape scene filmed for the first time...still, in my opinion, too subtle and vague, yet part of me also says, 'Yes, just right'...indeed we endure the confusion Tess does beneath the ancient woodland, the 'oldest chase' in the country.
Ancestory and the past consume her and finally she pays the ultimate price for trying to become part of it.

The strawberry scene evoked the innocence of her sexuality as well as the whistling scene, ironically with the stable door bolted between her and Alec.
What is it Hardy wants us to feel?
Her guilt?
Her ardour for independence?
Her strife?
Her parents' utter ignorance and foolhardiness?

It is the latter who are to blame for her downfall and what a modern day icon Hardy should be.
This is when I know Christmas is coming and the hard frost is a moment away; the Antiques Roadshow and the Sunday night costume drama!
I'm actually going to read it all over again...and then Jude...but...you really have to be mentally stable to survive that novel...so maybe Under The Greenwood Tree instead! Or Far from The Madding Crowd...or...

I have been utterly shattered this week.
So much work to do and so much to organise.
It's been completely crazy and I've been falling asleep at six thirtyish whilst waiting for the children to finish their baths!
Sportacus is at school and as from next week he is full time. The half days have been awful to juggle around work, childcare and Budding Vet's full days. So a little better with organisation next week. But I've been completely 'meetinged' out. Meetings at 8 am then 3 till 4 then 4 till 430...
Therefore, it is with great relief that out au pair's arrival is imminent. However, what a huge organisational event that is!
Relocation of children's den.
Joiner to make storage.
Need to buy another bed.
Need to buy another car!
Decorating and mending and fixing things...

It's like preparing for a new baby!!!
However, this one appears to be at least 6 feet tall!
He's sent photos and messages to the children already; we've spoken on the phone a few times and I listened to him speaking to my daughter and just knew he was going to be alright. My son gravitates towards males more so than females so I'm hoping my theory is right.
The outlay seems expensive, yet in the long run this will ease the childcare/housework burden so much and for so much less money!

Well, off to do some more sorting out!

If anyone mentions the words;
'data analysis'
'review'
'performance management'
I WILL resort to violence.

When you want the lust but not the love what do you do?
France is just not getting the message. I'm trying to be kind and subtle...but he's like a limpet with his kindness and I don't feel the passion.
Hardly communicating with him, but still he says how he 'understands' and 'will wait' for me. It's making me feel so unsexy and I wish he would disappear. I may have to be utterly brutal, and that really is not me.
Mansion Man, on the other hand, makes me smile with the regularly occasional sexy text that I pick up when doing my most professional outstanding profession...when I wake in the morning; when I collect the children ...when he says goodnight. Nothing demanded. Nothing expected. Just quirky communication.
And fun.
Mr Hotel...you know, the sexy restraints guy, not yet met but we're on a promise...is on holiday.
G is in the US and has asked me to write HIS letter of resignation for him. Which I will do, but I've bartered a PC deal! He has a couple of offers and I'm glad for him. He's rattled someone's cage!!!

Mmmm and, worth a mention I guess...a possible result in my inbox from yet another link to the dozen or so sexy adult web sites that still have my details that I never actually sent myself! A really articulate email so I've replied...however that passion and excitement and fizz I felt with Darcy and also with FF is absent. I'm rather bored by the whole thing right now.

An au pair hovers on the horizon...at last....and HE appears to be just what I'm looking for! No. Calm down...he's really too young and there is such a thing as not doing your business on your own doorstep. Genuinely, we need an au pair. He fits the bill and hopefully arrives in three weeks. The children are incredibly excited.

All calm yet work overload at The Building of Betrayal. I feel empowered and I feel beautifully serene and composed and back where I belong.

There is part of me that desires passionate attention...loving panderings...yet I am now headlining 'No Love Required.'

This is a rare time for me...there is no one.
No one to sexily text.
No one to orgasmic message.
No one to write dirtily to.
No one to share an intimate desire and release.
No one to hear me shout and cry out as I cum.

But..I feel calm and I feel secure and I feel empowered as I know it will be one day. It will be my arms and legs wrapped around someone who wants me; someone who knows and someone who desires the passion I seek.

Perhaps an afternoon.
Perhaps a morning.
Perhaps a secret beautiful evening and night...
Perhaps.
Perhaps the morning after...

He is there anyway...somewhere...and he will fall into the warmth of my body and my bed when the time is right.

Tired.
So tired after the first few days back....I slipped upstairs and slept for 2 hours...5 till 7. He's good like that and really I thank my lucky stars...When I awoke, the children had been dispatched to bed...and then I let him sleep.
I undressed properly, put on my bath robe and relaxed...then he woke around 9 and went to the take away for me...

And the off licence..

And, just half an hour ago, he had sex with me on the settee...and I just could not orgasm. No excitement; no foreplay; no oral; no sexy play or intimate penetration with fingers...nothing...

Actually, I started to giggle as he hoisted my legs over his shoulders and I inwardly relaxed to take him deeply knowing it would not be the sexiest moment of my life...
It was, vaguely pleasant...
afterwards, he withdrew and announed he was off to bed. No intimacy...nothing...even Mansion Man and his inability to penetrate me, gives me so much more delight and satisfaction and, most importantly, intimacy and closeness when we just lie and relax entwined for our few hours together...as he listens to the racing heartbeat of me, slowly slowing down from the intense orgasmic play he instigates. He presses my buttons and does not have sex with me. My husband has sex with me and does not press the buttons.
Personally, I need my buttons pressing.
No matter how!

I've been to the loo to clean up as I want to get of rid of the marital sticky solution from between my thighs...shower in the morning will do the trick...
I want him here with the children and in the family home, yet I do not want him inside of me...

I know who I want.So does the wanted...

I had a good day. MMmmm. Yes. I did. There is a positive mood and I will get through...I know. There are others there who never ever expected me to be there too, so present and so NOT being scapegoated... and indeed, they back peddle so quickly, they almost dismount!
One only has to peruse the data.
One only has to see just who is at the top...oh yes. And one must remember...constructive failure was in full swing. Remember that. Remember I was not there for four, nearly five months.
Yet.
Peruse the data.
Not that one is gloating you understand...
But, I had to smile today. Imagine the bloody data if I'd been there throughout!

Why is it he talks to me so much in his busy day. Now why is that?
Why is it that I felt calm and powerful at the Building Of Betrayal today?
Why did I cry when Sportacus bounced into the kitchen wearing his new school uniform?
My tears flowed and I felt happy and sad all at once.
Why have I spoken and laughed and relaxed on the phone with G-Inc tonight?
Why do I still recoil from the intimate husband touch...?
Never ever would I desire to perform oral on him now, yet...an intimate stranger I would....
Why is that?
Why?

Anorexic Beauty...I told you..she has deleted me and others and I've told her I'm not surprised. How can we have freedom of speech and ideas if you moderate your responses for God's sake!
Therefore, I have still commented and nothing I'm saying now is nothing she does not know...
face it.
The rough with the smooth or how can this site ever survive?
It's the pure friction and consternation that drives us on and forward...
We do not all want to live in a sweet and syrupy place...we need the bitterness of sour lemon and the friction of glass shards to engage and to command...

Human nature...
It's a battle and a storm and we are more human than ever.

Now I know I write a little 'overtly' for some of you...and perhaps I'm a naughty girl, but this is wrong and I'm telling you all now I think it is wrong. It is disturbing and damaging to impressionable young image conscious young women.
http://www.blog.co.uk/user/AnorexicBeauty

I've commented on her post and I imagine she will have deleted my comment be the time you've read this.

Is this the type og blog I should 'flag' or is that against the whole freedom of expression idea? Afterall, I bet my blog has been flagged once or twice!
What do you all think?
Pip