If only I could not think of sex...so much...
If only I did not have to feel my underwear getting so wet today.
At one point, I was worried I may have pelvic floor problems! Yet, when I checked earlier this evening, I examined my underwear closely...and there was definitely the evidence to suggest I had been experiencing the after effects of my sexy play this morning...and not a bladder problem.

I can remember the exact moments as I felt the moisture...warm and, at times, alarming.

If only I felt happy as a 'normal' married woman.
If only I was happy with my 'lot'...

But...is once since December as a married woman enough to be thankful for in the marital bed? Two minutes or thereabouts...

My own orgasms are longer; my own exploration is longer; my own body is far more delightful. Therefore, I stray into the illicit underworld of smiles and sex and intelligent conversation...so much more civilised and so much more delicious and engaging....

As a woman, I feel I am judged more; misunderstood more; would be banished more...

Never do I believe I will change...I have always been who I am and yet...if my perfect marital world had not been shattered within a year of the wedding day..things may have been so different.

If only..