Prettyintelligentprincess

...to wear heels that don't hurt

I want to wear knickers that fit sexily.

I want my boobs to be firmer.

I want my hips to be slimmer,
my bottom to be smoother
my hair to be longer...

I want my tummy to be flatter,
my feet to be fresher,

I want my mind to be smarter,
sharper...

I want super sexy sex with my husband,
so he notices and says, 'wow'

I want adoration,
beautification,
simplification...

I want to know he says...'...cor...she's bloody gorgeous,'

I want hard, heady hugs so I can barely breathe..

I want too much..

I have enough already.

Folding inwards and overlapping the passion...

she cocoons again until her sticky fragile wings emerge.

'I will my darling...
later....'

She stifles the guilt...again...and knows her son is suffering because of her.

When will she learn?

Blue has contacted me.
I want the fun.
The game.
The whoredom.

We may meet.
I will know the feeling of utter abandon as he makes me 'Ohhh' and whimper, shuddering over warm wetness.
It's a need of flesh and a need of feeling needed...

Sated and satisfied....

Why do I ever agree to them!!!!

My daughter has a friend over...they fell asleep around midnight I think. My son is stealing their things, little tyke...and the bickering is DOING MY HEAD IN!!!

I need a coffee...

High heels and Chanel, Coco, Madamoiselle; lipstick in the mirror and deep plunge bra.

Parked next to his car. Did not know, guessed...top of the range Merc, walnut and leather interior, private reg.

'Room 200x'

Walked in, up the stairs...knocked on the door...

'Let me see you,
feel you..

Mmmm wet...'

She felt the hard kisses
hard cock and he bent her over the bed. Yet she did not wait. She pulled his belt and unzipped ...

Deeply inside her, he told her to slow down, calm down...

She wanted it but wanted it over.

He was hard...too hard, too deep but she did not stop him.
He used her for his fantasies...she used him for hers...

'Look'
'In the mirror'

She did.
She felt blind..

She lay beneath him as he used her...

Until exhaustion consumed and overwhelmed....

Frantic,
dirty,
hard,
harsh and animal...

no other way to explain it...

describe it.
He scratched an itch I had.

It is done now.
Two hours it took to please me, to sate me...

I did try to walk back to my car with some grace...
Struggled somewhat...

Then, at home I fell into a deep sleep...for hours...
I needed it...

But this morning's shower scalded my skin as I scrubbed and burnt and removed him... again...

Never ever did I do that with Jones..I wanted him lingering on my skin for a long time

He lingers still...

'Wonderful to hear from you,'

Brief.
To the point.
Kisses.

I miss him too.

I fell into bed last night at half past six; shivery and shaking. Exhausted.
I slept until half six this morning and felt great.

A little sore...
but great

Well, yes, thank you, I would.

The Director has overcome his moral dilemma and has thrown caution to the wind...
Believe it or not, it's over a year ago since we last played a role, played a play, tinkered with the melodic words balanced on the manuscript...we only met twice yet it seems like so many more times...and actually I can't wait.

Not a sex site in sight...and two hours of hard and naughty explicit f**king is just what I need. Then I walk away, feeling the deep throb of sex as a phantom until the late hours and sleep consumes me.

That's okay...it will help my famine, my need, my addiction...

yet

I miss Jones like fuck...which topples my sensible mind.
The Director is not worth the dust on his shoes...

..to the rawness of need on the sex site.

I am but a woman.

I am in need.

Of illicit sex.

And, I will get it...

I do..
need to find a sexy couple of hours...

I want the slow striptease.
The tightness of a hug and the enveloping of kisses and tongues.

I want the scent of sex,
the wetness of my lingerie,
The yearning of the fuck..

I want my clit to be teased to the edge,
My heart to be forced to the hard beat,

My tongue made sore,
my hips to ache,
my bottom to glow with naughty warmth.

I want to be whorish
I want to be naughty
I want to feel the movement of lust
to absorb the feeling of shattered possession.

Then,
I want
To walk out of the door

Without a backwards glance

with only the throb of harlot sex
shadowing between my damp and aching thighs.

Wonderful
Entertaining
Flattering
Melodic
Powerful

I did shed a tear for the lonely tower crane driver.
I punched the air,
waved,swayed,sighed and sang.

The groundlings shimmered in the moving sea of lights as they tasted the waves of music, words and melody; filtering upwards, those seated became standing - until finally they reached for the fluttering tape and watched the stars spiralling across the vast sea of faces.

I have no more words to describe Elbow this evening, Elbow the farewell gig in Manchester.

Guy Garvey has taken them.

I listened and held her as she cried.

Thank God I cancelled Mr Home Office.

He has been moodily silent and I can't blame him..but I did try and talk to him the other night..however his takeaway had just arrived! Well, clearly I'm not impressed.

Also, I am always the one who calls him....never the other way round, even when he instigates the calling! He assumes I can afford it and I dislike assumption very much. It is ignorant.

Tomorrow, it's the M.E.N with Angel and FF hovers inside my head.

Elbow will fill me with passionate sounds ....I can't wait now; finally The Tower Crane Driver will make my skin prickle as I feel the vibration beneath my feet and the wetness in my eyes.

It will be real and I will not be the one to let go.

....some Minstrels.

Mmm.
Yummy.

I feel weird.
Actually, I feel closer to Sienna every day...not in a weird way, but in a 'well it's not just me' way.

Blue made contact last night...and yes I think I mentioned his new woman is being coy, however, well done to her! She is only 29!!!! He is 43.

Well, on Saturday...he went...Dogging!!!!
Yep, he is a police SERGEANT!!!!....apparently, his gf could not make a date...so off he went..through a website (no, I'm NOT on it) to a picnic area!

With other guys...he fucked a woman wearing high boots, stockings...on a bloody picnic bench! Her husband was there watching the fun....condoms mandatory, Blue fucked her well..he said...but I believe him.... (lucky cow) and then came in her mouth...followed by a few others...

I was a little stunned, however, he's a sexy guy and I'm actually not shocked now...just stunned amusement and awe! He is such a dark horse...didn't your mother always tell you to watch out for the quiet ones...?

He wondered if I'd join him next time!!

'...Not on a bloody picnic bench,' came the blushing respose! God, I'd freeze my boobs off!

My neighbour and my friend needs me...
Her husband has just undergone a major operation and she has been in tears..his operation lasted many hours.

She is popping round..on THURSDAY evening, for company and talk.

I feel relief.
Why is that I wonder?
Mr Home Office must either disappear or wait.

I'm not bothered.
I'd much rather fuck Blue anyway who sent me a message last night...although his 'decent woman' is taking her time to get her kit off it seems! But, how tempting is it that he lives only a couple of miles away?
He is suggesting some naughty shagging...and I need naughty, without driving bloody miles... and without the chance of using a strap on up a man's bottom!!!! (Mr Home Office wants me to shag him with a strap-on....erm...not even Pip has experience with that!)

So...I will remain without sex until something local and appealing intervenes.

As for Thursday, I want to be there for her...I owe her that. What's more, I cannot, will not let her down.

...I am supposed to be having a spanking good time with Mr Home Office....

...but..
I don't know if I can be bothered.

What is putting me off is the fact that I know I will ache like hell on Friday....and Saturday, (believe me, it's an intense session he has planned)

I need to get a new suspender belt actually...as I usually just wear hold-ups...yet he has been specific. Then, I have to also take 'extra' stockings to be tied up with. MMmmmm...delicious indeed, yet I am also going to have to fit in a wax and ensure my skin is all exfoliated, nails done etc etc...

The last time I ached so much, I had to take pain killers!

So..I don't know if Mr Home Office will get his fun...we must wait and see.

'How have you been,' he said.
'Happy?' he said.

'I am missing you,' he said.

Her reply was long and flowed down the whiteness of the breathing page.

On Friday, I may or may not see someone I spent a wonderful night with 18 months ago...I mean 'see' as in across a huge crowd! He will be under the same roof, inside the same building....listening to the same melody.

Yet Floyd Fan will be listening to Elbow...not Floyd...

...and I wonder if he will see me...

...and I wonder if I will look different...
...as I wonder if he will...

There again, I may not see him at all and I may wonder over nothing.

If I am a woman like me, then - who are you?

Need words..

and hands
and arms
and closeness...

Just need.

'Apologies for being so damned needy,' she muttered...over

...and over -

over again...

apologies
apologies.

Windows are frosted and closed and shut.
Tight.
Branches sway and swoon...
Cold.
Brittle.

She is sorry really, she is.
She looks out
and watches
the ripples within the ancient bark.

(c) prettyintelligentprincess

Today has been better...

This evening the children were okay..
Work was good...

The au pair survived...today and the car and children arrived at school safely.

Blue has 'met someone'

I hope it works out for him; he is such a good guy, he needs a decent woman!

I wish for Jones; I will have to imagine my wishes without him for now.

Mr Home Office is eager.

As is Mansion Man, just arrived home from Florida...

But..I feel safe and secure just now...

Yet, the warmth of arms and the deepness of claim

...still call for me.

I went on a family bike ride.

I paid for another two hour driving lesson for the au pair.

I went to Tesco.

I booked the au pair's RETURN ticket home at Christmas time...She has paid for it so I have no qualms.

I have pondered about more melting crucibles.

I have NOT orgasmed, masturbated or had sex.

I have reflected and remembered Jones and Green Park and Angels and Demons.

I have dyed my hair, 'Black Cherry.'

I have hoped my test in October does not show cancerous cells.

I have listened to the calls of those on 9/11 on a channel 4 documentary.

I have made a delicate date with Mr Home Office.

I have fobbed off Mansion Man.

I have felt my breasts and circled around my nipples with my fingers...smoothly and liked the way they reacted. (but that was all...nothing more!)

I have heard Darcy's voice in my head.

I have felt the skin of Jones as he pinned me down on the carpet.(in my head also)

I have floated along in the world of me, without completely drowning.

Words from him tonight.
Lovely.
I miss him.

His words are for me.
Not you.

But let me say this:

the darkness of the calm room entwines me..as did he.

I wince.
Her words pierce
my mind.
Strained smile, fleeting distance as
the cool and distant response
I give
lands -
on an empty moment.

Empty she is
...a bitchy shell
of brittle threat and stinking yolk.

And more -
and more -
- and more -

...as I walk away,
She tips the tipping point
Flooding the blood
Pushing down the lid

over my words.
My voice.

Me.

(c)prettyintelligentprincess

The page is blank.

My words are struggling to find a place to land upon the whiteness of space.

Empty.

Perhaps later...shall we?

I'm struggling again, to sleep.

I'm struggling to get myself into bed before 1.30 am...

I'm struggling with the invisible barrier in my head.

The old hauntings and fear of bed.

My last wonderful night's sleep was with Jones. Seriously. We drank little, we spoke a lot...had lovely, languid sex and then slept...completely, fully and so peacefully...

So tonight, I have turned to the 'over the counter,' sleeping tablet.

Mild and moderate.

I'll see where it takes me as I can feel slightly floaty now: promise indeed.

I have decided to 'shuffle.'
It's a way of reaching a goal...

Imagine a queue at the cinema. You stand in it, waiting to go in and you shuffle along when actually you could stand there and wait and then walk in...later.

It's the same in traffic jams.

My moving in small steps, you reach your goal and the end result takes a while to appear.

Therefore tonight...I did not NOT have alcohol; I had two glasses instead of my usual few!
Earlier, I did not have the two sugars in my coffee, I reached for the Canderel.

It's going to be a long long queue in which I shuffle, but I am going to try.