Prettyintelligentprincess

He is silly.
Very.

One minute it's 'making love' and next it's 'too complicated'

Like, what the hell is 'too complicated'?

Apparently, my texts suggested something 'too deep'....

I have told him he can have fun with someone else...

And I WILL remain silent.

To think, this time last week he was urging me on as he pushed my face into another woman's clit and swollen labia as I was being fucked from behind...

Not that I didn't enjoy it.

Yet, he has withdrawn into himself...his words...

Bollocks.

...another couple...or the previous (actually only) couple I have bounced on a duvet with.
A couple have made contact with me, but...they are a little too far away to be honest...and I really need a good seeing to by Blue...

He told me the other night that he had never met a woman who 'enjoyed it quite as much,'...he then went on to use the term 'making love' with me...

I fell flattered...and yet I smile.
If what he does to me is 'making love' god help any woman he fucks!

So, she's French this time, the new au pair that is. Not sure if all this au pair stuff is actually working as I wish it to work but it's early days. (Well, it's the poor girl's second day so I need to give her a chance).

She's younger, intelligent (very...she has a place at C____ Business School next September), she has a degree in Italian and speaks two other languages....the children seem to like her.

At least she knows what a dishwasher looks like, unlike the Romanian one...and at least she's not just here to become a British citizen, unlike the Romanian one.

So...here goes...again.

P.S. She is reading 'Mein Kampf.' Well, it's better than watching Disney films....and reading 'The Secret,'

Well, it's not logical..

just how the flying f**k are John and Edward staying in?

I mean...how can they ever get more votes than Danyl? Or Miss Frank for that matter? Utterly a joke. For once I actually agree with Mr Cowell.

I enjoy listening to the singers on there and it's good to listen to new talent...but John and Edward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please????

Little blonde boy was weak this week.
Jamie Archer, love him but complete cheat with the U2 stuff.(Tactical ploy by SC to get Mr Archer out?)

Perhaps we need to put an age restriction on voting!!!!

At least 25 plus?

That's food for thought!

Sorry blog guys but I don't get it....the smiley BMW people...

It's all rather busy and complicated. Takes me a while to find the login space!
And they all look so bloody cheerful...

I don't get it at all...

Perusing and thinking....

Browsing the web...a rather lovely site for the novice swinger!!!

A banter with Blue and some more thought.

Life is short.

I feel content and calm, then I think of Jones and I miss him.

I can feel his disappointment.

Want him, still. But he is so far away.

The new au pair is a breath of fresh air...wonderful.

Short break from the building is just what I need.

'How about another couple then?' he asked.

'Not in a club,' I replied.
So...I am meeting Blue in exactly an hour and a half.
He will take me to a house where he has arranged an evening of entertainment with a couple...

I felt surreal all day at work thinking, 'God, if only you knew what I was up to later tonight...'

I am just going to get ready now.
Not sure of the protocol...but I'm sure I'll manage.

Romanian au pair leaving...she is a little too odd...

New one all sorted....

I am well and ..the other day, Blue aske d me to a swingers club, I said no thankyou....but....

Am I?

I have abnormal cells...

I am trying to find the courage to persevere with follow up consultations.

I feel not at all unwell. It's nothing to be concerned about 'at this stage' the health professionals mutter...

I was due for a follow up last week...must get round to it.

Taunting and trivial..
He was there again,
him and I
the conversation
again.

Talking
before sleep hits,
Words,twist inside.

'Disappointed'
'Embarrassed'

'YOU DID NOT'
'YOU DID NOT'
'YOU DID NOT'

No, I did not
But you...
you did.
Over and over
again.
You did.

Voice outside sleep
is strong.

I stand up.
I face him.
I tell him.
Screaming silent words.

Silent now.
Heart racing.
Tears falling.
Hands clenching.

Wishing to be somewhere else
Someone else

Wishing for sleep
and silence
and sense.

He does not hear.
can not hear.
Never hears.
He is not there.

He is here.
Stuck.
Deeply piereced
inside the fragments of thought.

Inside the mess of memories
The mess of me.

Oh ghosts of times past...she is just a Bitch and a power crazed control freak at that.

Deadlines completey NOT thought through. Of course I am the non-compliant one; the obstructive one, the troublemaking one.

For goodness sake...why the hell does she hate me so much...she fucking hates me and NEVER have I given her cause.

Applying for another job this week...in an eduacational environment still...but post GCSE environment. Not desperate, but if it happens it does...if it does not, then it does not.

Willow is strong now...Cycleman is in aposition of power and I still have no trust for him...Angel is as strong as ever, but this may be her last year at The Building...and Dram...well...interesting...

She confided the other day...in someone...how she could not bear being in the Department or even visiting its location.
'Why?' she was asked.' Because I feel so guilty about the way I treated ____.'

The '____' is me.
I have waited two years and one month...

As Angel said, 'You should not have had to wait...'

Indeed I should not.

I had mine today...again. To protect me against THIS year's strain apparently.

It was fine...

You can't have it though if you are allergic to chicken or eggs!!

My romanian au pair won't watch any Harry Potter.

She is reading 'secret secretful,' some positive thinking scam, esp ref Bob Proctor.

She refuses to accept Ceausescu as corrupt.

She told me today that the public library in my town had 'too much fiction.'

The fact she is now 29, single, no children and an au pair in a country that is not Romania ...suggests she is not as intelligent as she thinks she is.

I have emailed her the links regarding her Orthodox religion, Romania and Ceausecu as she wanted to know what the Uk thought of Romania.

Should I worry.

He ate his sandwiches,
the old man,
then reached for a soft banana;
dessert.

'I'm watching him,' he said.
'I wish I was watching him too,' she said.

It is dark as the train burrows through the blackness...
...it is dark here too.

Dark.
Mixed and rapid response.
She giggles, then chuckles
deeply, into her glass of red.
many women,
many.

'No,just one,' he said.

'I would love you to have me,' he said.

A precious time capsule, still.
Precious and secure.
Locked.

Across the ocean
across the spinning of time,
she wraps herself around
around
and around...

inside the silky web of
adulterous cushions and drapes...

Inside the secretness
Of her other life.

Well...after shaving it all off for The Director experience...(It's tricky that you know...without nipping the labia bits!!) mine is stealthily growing back...but...I can see..oh I daren't admit...I can see a couple of grey ones!

Let me a leave it a couple of days and then a full wax may be in order!

Oh...the smell of one's ladygarden, well yes...very addictive, sexy and makes you go, 'Mmmmmm' silently inside your head.

It's something all ladies must like...yet it's not deemed 'ladylike,' for us ladies to admit to!

I collected him this evening.
He awoke at 7 am.
He began school at 0845 hrs.
He went to after school club from 3.30 until 6 pm...

He is 5.

That's an 11 hour day.
When he climbed into my car, he rested his head on the seat belt strap...

When he got home...he climbed the stairs and then climbed into his bed...

Snuggling fully clothed underneath a blanket..
I'm cold,' he whispered.

Alarm bells...and Calpol....
Pj's and woolly blankets beneath the duvet...he was asleep in minutes. 6.20 pm.

I have checked his temperature, a mild fever...yet he awoke an hour later and went to the loo...alone...not bothering Mummy and Daddy...then he fell asleep..before I managed to get there with his warm milk.

He is peacefully sleeping now and I hope all is well tomorrow.

Too tired, too energetic..
my beautiful boy.

It was late.
Needed it.
Badly.
Needed the heady pounding of a heart.
Needed the warm dampness between my thighs.
Needed the pushing, the grinding, the moaning , the spasming...

needed it.

Porn stuff did it...
rude stuff.
dirty stuff.
Sexy stuff, hey..
normal stuff, right?

The budding film stars did it.
The fetishes did it.
The boots,
the restraints,
the close-ups did it.
For me...and yes,
you shuffle and cast your gaze away.
You flush a warm colour,
because you want to do the same...and maybe
some of you did.

It was dark.
I was asleep.
I felt hands around my legs...and between them.
I thought it was part of my dream as I struggled to awake...

My pyjama top was then tucked in...and words were said...another fumble inside warm dampness inside me and then I knew it was him.
My husband.
Middle of the night.

Darkness...I moved further to the edge of the bed..still not fully awake...

Slipping back into sleep I felt a relaxed relief...as sleep smothered me again.
He made some joke about it the next day...some 'pussy joke.'

I just felt relief that my instinct...even asleep, moved me away as opposed to closer...

Now...in bed with a lover...this would read so differently!

If my children were taken....

My daughter or...
my son....
I would not know how to go on...

How do people affected cope...?

It would break me.

Then to know she had been raped and had two children by her abductor...

But to get her back...

The bitterness and vengeance must drown in the love.

Wandering around Tesco yesterday became a little...different...
I was wearing a long jumper type of top with leggings and high heeled ankle boots...

Halfway down the frozen food aisle I felt my bottom was rather...well..wobbly....

Concentrating on the frozen peas and vegetables, I realised my knickers were actually nestling under my buttocks as opposed to being firmly on my bottom!!!

I was dying to slip my hand down the back of my leggings and hitch them up, but it was just too busy...
I didn't even manage it in the carpark!

Finally, at home, I took them off and threw them in the bin...much to the bewilderment of my 5 year old son.

Twice...for me.
Even though I was ill...and in bed..(well that's a bonus)..

This morning I needed release anyway...yet this afternoon..the mellow tones of Royal Scot created a fever in my knickers...

Therefore, I spread my legs,
massaged my clit,
arched my back,
raised my legs and shouted
moaned...
warmed slowly and then snuggled under the duvet...

Only to text shortly afterwards...

'That's so sexy,' he said.

I cancelled Blue.

I am not second best.

I yearn for the feeling of possession.

I yearn for deep release.