@ Wednesday, 28. Oct, 2009 – 22:34:15
...another couple...or the previous (actually only) couple I have bounced on a duvet with.
A couple have made contact with me, but...they are a little too far away to be honest...and I really need a good seeing to by Blue...
He told me the other night that he had never met a woman who 'enjoyed it quite as much,'...he then went on to use the term 'making love' with me...
I fell flattered...and yet I smile.
If what he does to me is 'making love' god help any woman he fucks!
@ Tuesday, 27. Oct, 2009 – 16:47:28
So, she's French this time, the new au pair that is. Not sure if all this au pair stuff is actually working as I wish it to work but it's early days. (Well, it's the poor girl's second day so I need to give her a chance).
She's younger, intelligent (very...she has a place at C____ Business School next September), she has a degree in Italian and speaks two other languages....the children seem to like her.
At least she knows what a dishwasher looks like, unlike the Romanian one...and at least she's not just here to become a British citizen, unlike the Romanian one.
So...here goes...again.
P.S. She is reading 'Mein Kampf.' Well, it's better than watching Disney films....and reading 'The Secret,'
@ Monday, 26. Oct, 2009 – 22:49:09
Well, it's not logical..
just how the flying f**k are John and Edward staying in?
I mean...how can they ever get more votes than Danyl? Or Miss Frank for that matter? Utterly a joke. For once I actually agree with Mr Cowell.
I enjoy listening to the singers on there and it's good to listen to new talent...but John and Edward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please????
Little blonde boy was weak this week.
Jamie Archer, love him but complete cheat with the U2 stuff.(Tactical ploy by SC to get Mr Archer out?)
Perhaps we need to put an age restriction on voting!!!!
At least 25 plus?
That's food for thought!
@ Monday, 26. Oct, 2009 – 22:40:03
Sorry blog guys but I don't get it....the smiley BMW people...
It's all rather busy and complicated. Takes me a while to find the login space!
And they all look so bloody cheerful...
I don't get it at all...
@ Monday, 26. Oct, 2009 – 22:35:12
Perusing and thinking....
Browsing the web...a rather lovely site for the novice swinger!!!
A banter with Blue and some more thought.
Life is short.
I feel content and calm, then I think of Jones and I miss him.
I can feel his disappointment.
Want him, still. But he is so far away.
The new au pair is a breath of fresh air...wonderful.
Short break from the building is just what I need.
@ Thursday, 22. Oct, 2009 – 17:37:19
'How about another couple then?' he asked.
'Not in a club,' I replied.
So...I am meeting Blue in exactly an hour and a half.
He will take me to a house where he has arranged an evening of entertainment with a couple...
I felt surreal all day at work thinking, 'God, if only you knew what I was up to later tonight...'
I am just going to get ready now.
Not sure of the protocol...but I'm sure I'll manage.
@ Thursday, 22. Oct, 2009 – 17:34:10
Romanian au pair leaving...she is a little too odd...
New one all sorted....
I am well and ..the other day, Blue aske d me to a swingers club, I said no thankyou....but....
@ Saturday, 17. Oct, 2009 – 00:23:31
Am I?
I have abnormal cells...
I am trying to find the courage to persevere with follow up consultations.
I feel not at all unwell. It's nothing to be concerned about 'at this stage' the health professionals mutter...
I was due for a follow up last week...must get round to it.
@ Saturday, 17. Oct, 2009 – 00:04:46
Taunting and trivial..
He was there again,
him and I
the conversation
again.
Talking
before sleep hits,
Words,twist inside.
'Disappointed'
'Embarrassed'
'YOU DID NOT'
'YOU DID NOT'
'YOU DID NOT'
No, I did not
But you...
you did.
Over and over
again.
You did.
Voice outside sleep
is strong.
I stand up.
I face him.
I tell him.
Screaming silent words.
Silent now.
Heart racing.
Tears falling.
Hands clenching.
Wishing to be somewhere else
Someone else
Wishing for sleep
and silence
and sense.
He does not hear.
can not hear.
Never hears.
He is not there.
He is here.
Stuck.
Deeply piereced
inside the fragments of thought.
Inside the mess of memories
The mess of me.
@ Friday, 16. Oct, 2009 – 23:40:18
Oh ghosts of times past...she is just a Bitch and a power crazed control freak at that.
Deadlines completey NOT thought through. Of course I am the non-compliant one; the obstructive one, the troublemaking one.
For goodness sake...why the hell does she hate me so much...she fucking hates me and NEVER have I given her cause.
Applying for another job this week...in an eduacational environment still...but post GCSE environment. Not desperate, but if it happens it does...if it does not, then it does not.
Willow is strong now...Cycleman is in aposition of power and I still have no trust for him...Angel is as strong as ever, but this may be her last year at The Building...and Dram...well...interesting...
She confided the other day...in someone...how she could not bear being in the Department or even visiting its location.
'Why?' she was asked.' Because I feel so guilty about the way I treated ____.'
The '____' is me.
I have waited two years and one month...
As Angel said, 'You should not have had to wait...'
Indeed I should not.
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